The Ongoing Adventures of Naked Girl

The story of my quest to look good naked -- really good.

Monday, May 31, 2004

The Meeting That Changed My Life, Part 2

So eight years ago today was when I ran into Don for the second time.

As you remember, I had left the Baja Cantina with Don's wrong number. I didn't really think much about it, I mean, how many times had I given the wrong number to a member of the opposite sex?

Anyway, in the two weeks between meetings, I had actually met Marty, an accountant from my friend, Kristi's, work. Since I don't believe in blind dates, Kristi decided that for Marty and I to get to know one another, a group should go out for cocktails. I decided to go for the "sort of slutty" look. I was wearing cowboy boots, jeans and a black velvet bodysuit with a scoop neck and a pushup bra to show off my cleavage (I was much skinnier). About 8 of us met up at Pier View, a local bar. One of the promotions Pier View was having that night was the Jagermeister Girls, who were there passing out coupons for shots, hats, temporary tatoos, etc. Of course, many of our group grabbed some free swag. Kristi and I went in to the restroom and applied the tatoos -- she put them on her arm, and I put one on each breast. You couldn't see them unless I showed them off, but I thought it was sexy (hey, I had 2 shots of Jagermeister!!).

The group thought Pier View was dead so we headed over to the Baja Cantina. As soon as I walked in, I saw Don standing at the bar. The rest of the gang headed to the back to get a table, and Kristi and I decided to say hi to Don. He smiled as we approached and said he remembered us. He offered to buy us a drink, which we accepted. Kristi headed back to the rest of our party while I stayed to talk to Don for a few minutes. I was flirting with him and said, out of the blue, "Do you want to see my tatoos?" and before waiting for an answer, I pulled down my top a bit to show off my Jagermeister tatoos. He said, "Yes, I do."

We stayed at the bar for about another 30 minutes and then we went to his place, which was walking distance from the bar. I went back to say good byes to Kristi and the rest of the gang, much to buzzed to remember about poor Marty. Kristi told me later she made the excuse that Don and I were old friends.

I stayed the night at Don's, and we've been together ever since. I broke all my "rules:"
-No dating anyone from the Baja
-Five date minimum
-No one night stands
-At least know his last name

Despite going against everything I though was right, we have had 8 wonderful years together. I guess this only goes to show you, you never know when you are going to fall in love or with whom. I would have never guessed I would find my perfect partner in a bar. I also never guessed I would have ever found a perfect partner. But, Don is just that.

Don, if you're reading, thank you, honey, for the best eight years of my life.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

The Start of the Cleanse

I started my 7 day cleanse today. So far, it's all good. Of course, the one thing I noticed is how many images there are of food at every step of the way. I mean, I'm watching TLC's "Faking It" and it's sponsored by Digiorno frozen pizza. I haven't had any serious hunger pains, although I'm really only 8 hours in to it. I did manage to do 45 minutes on the treadmill. I know it's going to get harder before it gets easier, but I'm going to do my hardest to get through the next week.

Most of today was spent out on the deck reading, but I do have some cleaning to try and get done today -- the bathrooms. Mostly, it's cleaning out old cosmetics since my bathrooms are pretty clean already. I always feel better when I get it done, though.

That's about it from here for now. Hardly exciting, but I guess you don't want too much excitement when you are only drinking water and lemon juice.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Spring Cleaning for the Mind and Body

I am really looking forward to next week. I have a huge to do list, but I know I can get it all done. Certain tasks are going to make me take on other tasks -- like getting my carpets cleaned. That means, to get ready I have to clean off and move nightstands, my shoe rack, clean behind my bedroom TV stand, etc. My biggest task is getting my office organized. That has really become my "junk" room where everything goes until I figure out what to do with it. Needless to say, there are stacks of things on the floor, on the bookshelves, on the filing cabinets, on the desk.

On top of getting my house cleaned, I have decided to do a "cleanse" with the supervision of my nutritionist. Starting Sunday for 7 days, my entire diet will be the following:

12 ounces of water mixed with 2 tablespoons of fresh lemon juice, 2 tablespoons of maple syrup, 1 pinch of cayanne pepper. Drink 6 - 7 times a day.

Unlimited water.

Yep, that's it. I'm also encouraged to do cardio 4 times a week and use a dry sauna a few times to sweat out the toxins. I know it sounds pretty extreme, but I've done a similar one before and, after the first 2 - 3 days, it's actually a piece of cake. It really does help you clean out your system, and you do feel more energetic and focused. I think this might be the jump start I need in the weight loss department. Although the primary goal of a cleanse is not to lose weight, it's often an added benefit. Anyway, we'll see how it goes.

Off to wrap up my 4th conference call of the day (I've been on a call since 9:00 AM and it's now 12:15 PM). Once again, so much to do and so little time.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Could We Add 1 More Hour to the Day? Please??

The last few days have just been jam-packed. I've been so burnt out when I get home at night that the last thing I want to do it log on to the 'Net.

Anyway, I weigh in at my nutritionist in 45 minutes. Is there any way to lose 5 - 6 pounds in that amount of time? I thought not. Ahhh, well.....

I'm still waiting on my test results from my doctor's appointment last week. I'm hoping they are good, but I'm worried about my thyroid. I'm tired of dealing with it and just want to stop medicating it since it doesn't seem to be making a difference. I'm feeling bloated and dehydrated because of the allergy meds I'm taking, so basically I'm just all messed up.

Of course, the best remedy to all of this is to go on vacation, which I am doing next week. I plan on getting a lot of stuff done around the house -- things like getting the carpets cleaned, the chimney swept, getting a quote on replacing our front face, etc. Plus I have a huge list of spring cleaning chores. Despite this sounding like work, there is something very rejuvenate about "getting your house in order."

There is still upheaval at work. My boss has a job, but I don't know if she is going to continue to be my boss. There is also a rumor that a new position is coming out that is more up my alley -- Business Analyst. Now that is something to get excited about.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

My Bad

Yes, I'm still's just been a bitch of a week with a lot going on.

Shrek 2 was great. I don't want to set anyone's expectations, but I thought it was better than the first. Enough said -- just go see it if you have a chance.

One of the things that has been weighing on my mind is the reorganization we are going through at work. They started at the top and are working their way down as they intergrate other people and positions. My boss should hear something before the end of the month and then 2 weeks later, my level should hear something. The first step was taken this week -- two positions at my level have been eliminated. One was a field team leader and my boss just moved her into the open position in our office. It's not a bad move since we work well together, but I had hoped to take on more and that didn't happen. In the end only one person got laid off and since she has been with the company for 19 years, she gets 52 weeks pf severance. Not too shabby. There is still a lot of tension and unanswered questions. I'm not going to worry about it too much -- at least not out loud.

My program has not been going very well. I've not eaten "on plan" like I had hoped -- sometimes less, often more. I haven't been to the gym in a week, and I'm really feeling that, so a trip is on the agenda for today. The sad thing is I know how successful I can be if I just followed the plan.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Date Night

Don was able to get tickets for the 6:20 showing of Shrek 2, so I'm really excited. We'll probably pick up a quick bite to eat as well, making this an "official" date. With our work schedules being so crazy, we haven't really gotten to spend any time together -- other than crashing on the couch -- so this will be a nice change in pace.

With little else to say, I will take a page from Denise:

Go to Google and type your name into the search box. What do YOU come up with?

The first hit is actually this web site. Interesting.

Shannin Schroeder is an Assistant Professor of English and Foreign Languages
Shannin Chamberlain is 10 and has cancer (hopefully not an omen)
Shannin Strom owns Red Buckle Shoe Handbags
Shannin Watkins has her minutes posted

Hardly exciting.....

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Just Like a Good Soap Opera

I know I left you with a bit of a cliffhanger, but, hey I was on pins and needles too for two weeks! OK, I wasn't really, but I did find it odd since we had such a good conversation and he seemed to really enjoy my company.

I told him that I posted about our first meeting and he was demanding equal time. Maybe I can convince him to be a guest blogger for a day.

What I'm really excited about is Shrek 2 is opening tomorrow! I think Don and I are going to try and get into the 6:20 PM show. Normally, I don't like going on opening night, but I don't want to hear too much about the movie before seeing it.

The other bit of news is that Cold Stone Creamery is opening about 1 1/2 blocks from our house. I've actually only had it once, and it was wonderful. I knew I had to stay away. The good news, at the time, was that the only one open in Los Angeles was not very close, so it wasn't much of a temptation. Now that it's going to be right around the corner, it's a totally different story. Well, as Don said, "Hey, we could walk over here with the dogs." Ummmm....there's some justification.

I also went to my doctor's today. Nothing earth shaking except she reminded me that I haven't had a Pap smear in a year and a half. Oopps. My blood pressure was a little high, but I think that's partly because I've been forgetting to take my medication at night. I should have my blood work by next week. The best part was that her scale was 3 pounds lower than my scale at home! Usually it's the other way around. Even though I know what my "real" weight is, it was nice to see the lower numbers.

My success story of the day, if you could call it that, was after fasting for the blood work, I was somewhat hungry. I stopped by El Pollo Loco and picked up a salad and ate it as soon as I got to work. A vendor was in with pastries and fruit. I went in and looked, but realized I was really too full to eat anything right then, although a juice is sounding good right about now. Bottom line, I'm starting to listen to my body and I hope that means I'm making progress.

Off to finish out the day. We were really busy yesterday. I took 109 calls, not including calls coming in on my personal line -- which is about 109 more than I should take. Granted, I took call back messages for about 75% of them but I got roped into doing about 25 reservations and that meant I got nothing else done. Today was catch up day, and I'm feeling like I have it mostly under control. Famous last words, I know....

Monday, May 17, 2004

The Meeting That Changed My Life, Part 1

Eight years ago today, I met Don for the first time.

I was at the Baja Cantina with my friend, Kristi. It was a Friday night, and a typical Baja crowd. As we were cruising the bar, a nice looking man was heading our way. Kristi, not the shy one, started to tease him about wearing a tie to the Baja Cantina on a Friday night. With the crush of people, we couldn't really move, so we started talking and discovered that we actually had a lot in common. I was working on the Fox Studio lot, Don was working up the street at Fox Sports and Kristi was in his same building working for Freeman Cosmetics. I am a huge sports fan and Don was working in the Research Department for the Fox Sports Network (at the time we met, it was still Prime Sports, but Fox had just recently purchased them). Prior to that, he covered the Los Angeles Rams for the Orange County Register. Being a football buff, I was intrigued. Kristi was not a sports fan and she was soon bored by the conversation and went off looking for someone to buy her free drinks. Don and I talked for probably an hour or so. Kristi soon decided she wanted to leave, and since we drove together, I had to leave as well. She prodded Don into exchanging phone numbers with me, which we did.

It wasn't until I was in the car that I realized he had given me a wrong number. Since I did travel for people in his building, I knew the prefix was 399 not 339 like he gave me. I figured, "Oh, well," and decided that the napkin with his number would join others on the "Boys' Board" hanging in my kitchen (a collection of numbers, business cards, and other such stuff one collects when one is single and bar hopping).

The story continues on May 31 -- The Meeting That Changed My Life, Part 2.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Ready for the Weekend

This week seems like it's dragged on forever. I know part of that is because of not really having any time to relax last weekend. I am really looking forward to tomorrow. We won't get to sleep in because Baja's stomach goes off exactly at 7:00 AM, but we won't have to rush off anywhere. I do know we are going to go to the gym and the dog park, but the rest of the day will be spent hanging in the back yard with the dogs.

In lieu of actually doing any work this afternoon, I lifted this from Danelle:


Who did you last get angry with?
The guy at work who I know is stealing stuff off others’ desks.

What is your weapon of choice?
My silence first and then my words.

Who was the last person that got really angry at you?
Probably one of my employees when I had to give them feedback on their tardiness.

What is your pet peeve?
People who park their SUVs in compact parking spots, for one. For the rest see here.

Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
I don’t think I keep grudges, although I tend to remember perceived slights or injustices.


What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?
Wash my face and brush my teeth before bed.

What is the latest you've ever woken up?
I’m an early riser, even during my partying days. If I had to guess, I’d say noon.

Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't.
I’ve been meaning to write my friend, Sally, in England.

What is the last lame excuse you've made?
"I’m on a conference call."

Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
Oh, yeah.

When was the last time you got a good workout in?
About 2 weeks ago.

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
None. For one thing, Baja makes sure we’re up by 7:00 AM. Also, my clock doesn’t have a snooze button.


What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
I don’t know if this is “yuppie,” but I only drink microbrews or imported beer.

White meat or dark meat?

What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?
I don’t know the exact amount, but enough Jagermeister to still be drunk when I got up the next morning for work.

Have you ever used a professional diet company?
Yep – I see a nutritionist.

Do you have an issue with your weight?
Yes –both emotionally and physically. But I am working on it.

Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?

Have you ever taken food "to go" from a buffet?


How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?
I couldn’t even begin to guess.

How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?
See above.

Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?
Only if it’s drawing attention to itself.

Have you wanted someone who was taken?

What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?
Chest and eyes.

Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?

Have you ever had a one night stand?


How many credit cards do you own?
Three AMEX (1 of which is a corporate card), 1 Visa, 1 Sears and 1 Home Depot. The only one with a balance is the Visa.

What's your guilty pleasure?
“The Young and the Restless”

If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?
Remodel our house, pay off the Visa and invest the rest.

Would you rather be rich or famous?
Rich. Heck, I’d be happy with just financially secure.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
Not if it was long term.

Have you ever stolen anything?
Couldn’t we just call it “permanently borrowing”?

How many mp3's are on your hard drive?
About 50


What's one thing you have done that you're most proud of?
Adopted Jager, because she might not have had a chance otherwise.

What's one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?
I’m living a productive life.

What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?
To make sure we were financially secure.

Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
Oh, yea….I’m very competitive.

Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?

Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
Yes – Spanish final my senior year in high school.

What did you do today that you're proud of?
Offered to help a co-worker who is having a really crappy week.


What item of your friend's would you most want to have for your own?
I’m happy with what I have.

If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
I don’t think there is anyone I’d rather be.

Have you ever been cheated on?

Have you ever cheated on someone?

Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
Perkier breasts.

What trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?

What is your favorite deadly sin?

I really enjoy doing and reading these types of "quizzes" or memes. I'm not sure why, but some of my own answers surprise me.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Catching my Breath

OK, I didn't really have Hot Tamales AND hash browns....just the Hot Tamales.

Something happened late in the day yesterday and I didn't really want to deal with it. One of my employees let me know that two items had been taken off his desk. This is the fourth time items have been missing. Being in the travel industry, we get a lot of swag or take away items -- things like model planes, rubber ducks, pens, stress balls, travel candles, mints, etc. We all have shitloads of them on our desks. I know it's one of the other employees who has a beef with my guy, but I can't prove it. I mean, I am the youngest one in the office and sometimes I feel like I'm the most mature. Are we in business or in kindergarten? Anyway, I was still upset this morning that I have so much on my plate right now (usually not a problem, because I just eat it....LOL) that I really do not have the time to waste on petty crap like this. Calgon, take me away....

I did crank at work today. Got out 30 UPS packs to help our employees celebrate Wear Purple for Peace on Monday. I sent out information on peace, tolerance and diversity on purple paper (natch) and included little plastic peace signs. We try and do something around diversity each month, and I'm on both the local and the regional diversity team. The only thing I didn't get done and that I have to do tomorrow is my expense report. I rarely have expenses, but it's a somewhat laborious process so I tend to put it off until the last minute. Tomorrow is the drop dead date, otherwise I'm "reported" to the GM of our group.

I'll be watching the last "Frazier" tonight. I kinda stopped watching about 2 seasons ago, but was drawn back in for this one. It's kind of like "Friends;" I was there at the beginning and I want to be there for the end. Weird, I know.

Off to do my final task for the day -- pricing for some groups traveling from 9 international cities to either Atlanta or Miami.

....And a Side of Hash Browns

Do you think Hot Tamales would be considered a balanced breakfast?

I thought not....

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Hump Day

Man, when it rains, it agent out for 3 weeks on jury duty (funny aside: she has been saying for weeks she wanted to get on a case. When she reported, she found out that it was for murder by decapitation. She has a weak stomach and wanted to get off the case, but the judge wouldn't excuse her. Moral: Be careful for what you wish for!), one agent leaving for vacation, one agent retiring (no replacement as of yet), two agents getting displaced. There are times like this where I really wonder why I am in management. I hate giving bad news, I hate dealing with staffing problems. I prefer looking at big picture stuff and doing presentations, reports, etc. Oh, well. It pays the bills, even if I have to lose sleep over it.

I'm also dreading my nutritionist appointment this afternoon. I know I'm going to be up and it just kills me that I'm paying a professional to tell me exactly what to eat and I don't do it. Why not just toss the money out the window? To top my wonderful day off, I have a big trade show tonight that I need to go to. I've skipped out the last 2 years, but our company has two booths and, as a leader, I should go. I don't like crowds, and travel agents are notoriously greedy. My mom would call them "grabinskis." Anything free is fair game and one is never enough ("I have to get some for the office.") Geeze, it's just pens and post-it notes.

I did take the time to put up a profile which includes a photo of me. It's from last summer and I don't always wear glasses, but it's pretty decent. I'm also going to try and post a photo here as I try out a new service:

Off to play some more as I wrap up conference calls....

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Sleep 1, Exercise 0

So the plan was to get up at 5:30 AM to hit the gym. Instead, I hit the snooze button.

I think a big part of it is that I haven't been sleeping well over the last week, mostly due to thinking about Nancy's service, life, death , etc. My M.O. was to wake up at 3:00 AM for a bathroom run and then not fall back to sleep. Anyway, I slept, and slept HARD I might add, until 7:15 AM. I can't tell you the last time I was still in bed at 7:15 AM much less asleep.

I get off at 6:00 PM tonight, so maybe I'll try and do a tape instead so at least I can make my goal for the month.

As you can see, I updated my blog look. Blogger has some new templates. For some reason, though, my comments keep falling out. Sometimes they're there, sometimes they are not. Bear with me as I continue to learn about the ins and outs of blog design.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Memories & Mother's Day

What an exhausting weekend. Between the emotional drain of the service on Saturday and the anticipation of Mother's Day brunch on Sunday, I was pretty much a wreak from Friday until Sunday afternoon.

In the end, it was no where near as bad as I thought it might. Nancy's service was hard emotionally, but equally gratifying. The speeches (including my mom's) were great -- a lot of laughs and a few tears. Everyone who spoke touched on something we all remembered about Nancy -- her laugh, her smile, her tendency to yell/scream in excitement, her love of children (she taught Nursery School for 18 years), her predilection for sipping chardonnay, her love of the beach. Her youngest son did a beautiful Power Point presentation with a ton of photos with music. My mom also did a photo board which included a photo of Nancy, her daughter Jackie, my mom and me on my 16th birthday -- talk about memories -- Mom and Nancy rented a limo and we went to see the Eurythmics. I was dressed in white pants, a red vest and a white "Miami Vice" blazer PLUS white Ray Bans. Jackie was "Contempo'd" (if you ever went to a mall in the 80s, you probably know Contempo) in her red, black and white outfit. Jeeze, some photos should just stay in storage. Anyway, we didn't stay at the reception very long -- too many people, too hot and I always find people grubbing for free food somewhat disturbing.

I was worried that Mother's Day brunch would be overly emotional with my mom still grieving, however we had a wonderful time and really good food.

Because of all the worrying and running around, I never really felt like I got to relax until late last night, and I crashed at 9:30 PM. In fact, I was really dragging ass this morning and kinda feel like I didn't get a "real" weekend. On top of it all, it's THAT time of the month, so I know that's taking it's toll as well.

I'm doing well on my May goals. I even made a smart choice at Starbuck's yesterday -- non-fat iced coffee. I didn't do too well at brunch, opting for huevos ranchero over grilled ahi tuna, but I can't win them all. I did do a 40 minute walk with the dogs on Saturday, but did not get to do any exercise yesterday, so only 50% on the exercise goal. Ahh, well, it's still early in the month.

I have a fairly busy week -- no rest for the weary I guess. Can't wait for the weekend, that's for sure.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Home Improvement 101

Don and I bought our house August 2001, so for those slow at math, we have been living in our abode for 2 years and 8 months.

For that entire time, our big front window has not had curtains, blinds or shutters. It's a double-wide window and looks out over our front yard and the street. At night, when we're in the living room, we're clearly visible by people walking along the street. It hasn't really bothered me much, but I think that's because I had gotten used to it. We had discussed getting some type of window coverings, but just kept putting it off.

Well, we finally got off our collective asses and went to 3 Day Blinds. We now have proper window coverings! They actually look very nice in the room and it does make a difference, not only from a privacy point, but the window faces west so it's a nice sun blocker as well. The added bonus was supposed to be to block the view of Baja and Jager so they didn't bark at every single 4-legged creature that meanders by their "kingdom." unfortunately, Jager seems to have a sixth sense, and she can still tell when other creatures are crossing her turf. (My first clue should have been while we were in Santa Barbara, Jager was asleep, and woke up to bark at 3 coyotes crossing the field.)

Anyway, this has gotten me to think about goals for the month, and how they shouldn't just be about food and exercise since when I have a clean and organized house, the rest of my life seems to become clean and organized. So, drumroll please.....

Goals for May

1. Eat according to plan set forth by Nutritionist Phil
2. Exercise on Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday
3. Purchase/install front blinds DONE
4. Week of Spring Cleaning (week of 5/29 - 6/6)
5. Drink 100 oz. of water per day
6. No drinking alcohol alone
7. Attend at least one social event
8. Reach out to friends at least once a week
9. Take time to read at least 30 minutes per day
10. No eating out of the vending machines
11. No fast food (exception: El Pollo Loco)

I use a Franklin Planner, and have for about 5 years. One of the teachings is to fill out a Weekly Compass so you have your bearings for the week. You should do something Physical, Social/Emotional, Mental and Spiritual each week. On top of that, any roles you have defined for yourself (for me I am: WIFE, LEADER, "MOM") you should list weekly goals to help you with those roles. I haven't been using this effectively, and would like to start using it as a tool. When I looked at my goals for this month, I tried to incorporate some of those.

I'm pretty excited about these goals, and think that they are really achievable. I've been organized before, I know I can do it again....

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Still Grieving, But Getting On

One thing I noticed when Nancy died is how different grieving is, not only how people grieve differently, but how the actual death affects grieving.

When my mom called and told me Nancy died, my heart felt heavy and there was a profound sadness -- for someone who has died so young (55) and for her family. There was no sobbing or wailing or the thinking that life isn't fair. I'm sure part of that is because we have been preparing for her death for some time now, so when she did finally go, we had, for the most part, worked through all the steps in grieving.

On the other end, when someone is taken from you suddenly, without warning, the grieving is completely different. When I learned my friend, Shoba, died in a plane crash, I felt like I was socked in the stomach. When I learned my aunt, Patricia, was in the first tower on the floor where the plane went in on 9/11, I physically ached. To this day, when the news shows a clip of the burning towers or the towers coming down, I have to look away. I learned of Shoba's death on St. Patrick's Day, and every year I get a little emotional.

Anyway, I just find how people deal with death interesting. Mark, Nancy's husband of 30+ years, was fretting over how he was never going to be able to sell the house (in California, you have to disclose if there has been a death in the house). I mean, his wife has been dead for less than 12 hours and he's worried about the house! I know this is just his own way of dealing with the immense pain he must be feeling. Her youngest son, Ben, pretty much slept through the day as his way of dealing with the aftermath.

So, we're all muddling through it. As I said, Saturday is going to be tough, and I know Sunday will be an emotional Mother's Day for me and my mom. So far, I'm getting through this without relying on alcohol, although I'm sure I will have 1 or 2 margaritas in honor of Cinco de Mayo tonight (with Don, so not alone!).

I'll post tomorrow my new goals for May. I did OK on my mini challenge, although, once again, I was not able to not drink alone (although I did go 6 days between drinks). I have some good ideas for my new plan and goals and think that they should be attainable.

Thanks for everyone's support. It's greatly appreciated!

Monday, May 03, 2004

A Time to Reflect

My friend, Nancy, has passed away.

I was able to go see her Saturday morning with my mom. The only reason why I knew it was Nancy was because she was in Nancy’s house, in Nancy’s bed. If she had been lying in a hospital, I would not have recognized her. She had changed so much since I last saw her. She was skin and bones. I don’t think she knew I was there, at least not consciously. My mom thought she did, but I figured it was easier to agree than to disagree with her.

Nancy had told my mom a few weeks ago that she wanted to make it to her next birthday. Her birthday was Sunday, and she passed a little after midnight.

I am going to miss her. She was always like a second mother to me. When I was there on Saturday, it amazed me how little things had changed at her house – the same books on the bookshelves, the same photos. Nancy had the most infectious laughter. When we’d be out and Nancy would laugh, everyone would turn to see what the commotion was about. It was an honest, devil may care laugh – and she laughed right up until the last.

Nancy did everything grand. I remember singing top 40 hits at the top of our lungs while we tooled down the highway towards the beach in her VW van (remember, this was the 70s and the van was “hip.”). As kids, we used to play freeze tag or T.V. tag on her front lawn while she and my mom sipped chardonnay and sat on the front step. We would watch “I Love Lucy” and “Bewitched” reruns while eating celery and peanut butter – sitting on the living room floor because our swimsuits were still damp. Nancy would sing along with us as we used the swing set to “fly” and be the Bug-a-loos (The Bug-a-loos, The Bug-a-loos, we’re in the air and everywhere, flying high, flying free, flying free as the summer breeze…..). Every May, Nancy would wax nostalgic about growing up in Kentucky, and she would watch the Derby and sing “My Old Kentucky Home.” She worked at a nursery school because she was a kid at heart.

These are just a few of the things I will remember about Nancy. She fought hard against her cancer; she never gave up. I know this means she is no longer in pain, that she doesn’t have to fight anymore. She can rest in peace.

I’m sorry to see her go, and her laugher quieted. Nancy, thank you for teaching me how to live my own life out loud. I’ll try and do you proud. I love you.