Still Grieving, But Getting On
One thing I noticed when Nancy died is how different grieving is, not only how people grieve differently, but how the actual death affects grieving.
When my mom called and told me Nancy died, my heart felt heavy and there was a profound sadness -- for someone who has died so young (55) and for her family. There was no sobbing or wailing or the thinking that life isn't fair. I'm sure part of that is because we have been preparing for her death for some time now, so when she did finally go, we had, for the most part, worked through all the steps in grieving.
On the other end, when someone is taken from you suddenly, without warning, the grieving is completely different. When I learned my friend, Shoba, died in a plane crash, I felt like I was socked in the stomach. When I learned my aunt, Patricia, was in the first tower on the floor where the plane went in on 9/11, I physically ached. To this day, when the news shows a clip of the burning towers or the towers coming down, I have to look away. I learned of Shoba's death on St. Patrick's Day, and every year I get a little emotional.
Anyway, I just find how people deal with death interesting. Mark, Nancy's husband of 30+ years, was fretting over how he was never going to be able to sell the house (in California, you have to disclose if there has been a death in the house). I mean, his wife has been dead for less than 12 hours and he's worried about the house! I know this is just his own way of dealing with the immense pain he must be feeling. Her youngest son, Ben, pretty much slept through the day as his way of dealing with the aftermath.
So, we're all muddling through it. As I said, Saturday is going to be tough, and I know Sunday will be an emotional Mother's Day for me and my mom. So far, I'm getting through this without relying on alcohol, although I'm sure I will have 1 or 2 margaritas in honor of Cinco de Mayo tonight (with Don, so not alone!).
I'll post tomorrow my new goals for May. I did OK on my mini challenge, although, once again, I was not able to not drink alone (although I did go 6 days between drinks). I have some good ideas for my new plan and goals and think that they should be attainable.
Thanks for everyone's support. It's greatly appreciated!
When my mom called and told me Nancy died, my heart felt heavy and there was a profound sadness -- for someone who has died so young (55) and for her family. There was no sobbing or wailing or the thinking that life isn't fair. I'm sure part of that is because we have been preparing for her death for some time now, so when she did finally go, we had, for the most part, worked through all the steps in grieving.
On the other end, when someone is taken from you suddenly, without warning, the grieving is completely different. When I learned my friend, Shoba, died in a plane crash, I felt like I was socked in the stomach. When I learned my aunt, Patricia, was in the first tower on the floor where the plane went in on 9/11, I physically ached. To this day, when the news shows a clip of the burning towers or the towers coming down, I have to look away. I learned of Shoba's death on St. Patrick's Day, and every year I get a little emotional.
Anyway, I just find how people deal with death interesting. Mark, Nancy's husband of 30+ years, was fretting over how he was never going to be able to sell the house (in California, you have to disclose if there has been a death in the house). I mean, his wife has been dead for less than 12 hours and he's worried about the house! I know this is just his own way of dealing with the immense pain he must be feeling. Her youngest son, Ben, pretty much slept through the day as his way of dealing with the aftermath.
So, we're all muddling through it. As I said, Saturday is going to be tough, and I know Sunday will be an emotional Mother's Day for me and my mom. So far, I'm getting through this without relying on alcohol, although I'm sure I will have 1 or 2 margaritas in honor of Cinco de Mayo tonight (with Don, so not alone!).
I'll post tomorrow my new goals for May. I did OK on my mini challenge, although, once again, I was not able to not drink alone (although I did go 6 days between drinks). I have some good ideas for my new plan and goals and think that they should be attainable.
Thanks for everyone's support. It's greatly appreciated!
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