Success

Well, 'tis the season for reflections. I know 2007 was a real up-and-down year, but in the end, I have to say it's been one of the best for me.

First off, when I look at my weight loss progress - and I don't even know if I can call it that any more - I will probably weigh about the same on 1/1/08 that I did on 1/1/07. That, my friends, is an accomplishment in my book. I've stayed within my self-imposed range for an entire year. My weight has stayed between 162 and 168. I realize that isn't model thin or even below "overweight" per the BMI scale (I'd need to get to 159 to be "normal"). Could I get into the mind game and really work to achieve 159? Sure - but at a cost I'm not ready to pay. I am working so hard to just stay where I am that to beat myself up over a few pounds (that, really, plastic surgery would "fix") isn't beneficial to my mental health.

Granted, there is a part of me that believes 165 (as of this morning) is still "fat." I hate that. I'm in a size 10 pants, a size 8 skirt and can buy bras at Victoria's Secret. I can walk into any store any buy clothes - Eddie Bauer, Ann Taylor, New York & Company, J Jill, H&M, etc. I know that plastic surgery would remove another 10-15 pounds, but part of me is still getting comfortable with my current weight that another 15 pound drop would really throw me into an emotional tizzy.

Anyway, besides the weight success, I am thankful for the health of me, Don, and the dogs. I am still trying to get my iron up to normal levels and they just found the cause of my stomach pain (large ulcer - treated with 80 mg. of Prilosec). My blood pressure still tends to run high, but we're just watching it for now. Don is great - he has just some hereditary issues to deal with, but we have a handle on those. The dogs got a clean bill of health at their last vet visit. We're just monitoring their joint issues but that doesn't seem to bother them. They are as puppy-like as ever!

I know there are areas I could do better in - finances (although we seem to have rounded the corner on that one), exercise (I need to make time for this!!), meditation/yoga (see above). But, for the most part, life is good.

And I can't ask for much better than that.

Two Year Surgiversary!

So, two years ago today, I was out of WLS and working on my second walk. I had started the day out as a 300+ person and now am a "normal" sized woman. In the two years since I started this journey, I am down (according to my scale) 174 pounds. By my clinic's measurements, I've lost 19 inches off my waist and 21.5 inches off my hips. I've gone from a tight size 26/28 to a size 8/10. My BMI is still not at goal - but now I'm at a 25.5 compared to a 52.8. A "normal" BMI is 25 or lower, but at this point I will take what I have. Granted, my labs didn't come back perfect - my iron is low (single digits) and my thyroid is elevated - guess that's the explanation for my low energy. That can be dealt with via meds, so I'm not that worried.

Bottom line - I weigh less than what I've lost; my blood pressure is normal; I'm eating normal as far as what I can eat. Granted, the portions are much smaller, but not in a bad way. I get to taste anything I want, including sweets.

I am still petrified about keeping my weight in a certain range. I weigh myself more than I should. I am so scared about re-gaining the weight I have lost. I need to get right with my weight range I've set for myself, but I still beat myself up when I vary from my self-imposed range.

I am still lucky that I've had this surgery. I am healthier than I've ever been before. I may gripe about my "excess skin" but I have nothing to complain about. I am not ready to have another body transformation a la plastic surgery. I am still getting used to the body I'm in!

There is a lot to work on, but this surgery has been a success for me. I can't ask for much more. I have some things to work on, but that is just part of the journey.

Stormy Thursday Night

Although I worked until 7:00 PM tonight, I thought I would try and actually blog about what the heck is going on in my life. We're in the middle of a big thunder storm and it's knocked out our dish, so we can't watch the Saints-Colts game very well.

First off, work has been really busy. Not in a bad way, per say, but there is going to be a lot of changes which will affect how we do our day-to-day jobs. It will be a major change for my group and I will have to deal with how to manage through this change. In some aspects, it's very exciting as we'll be able to really leverage our analytical skills, but it's going to take some people out of their comfort zone, and I will only be able to hear, "But that's not how we used to do it," a certain number of times.

We had a very nice weekend - the weather was great and we did a lot of outdoor activities. On Saturday, I met up with a few friends for coffee and then 3 of us went to go get a pedicure. This is probably my last fancy one (flowers painted on my big toes) for the season. On Sunday, we took the dogs for a much needed hike and they got to burn off some puppy energy splashing in the lake and barking at squirrels. I then my 2 friends for lunch and a field trip to the zoo. We had so much fun! We went to the dolphin show, took the tram ride which gave us an overview of the majority of the zoo and then walked the other side where there were tropical animals and then native animals. On Monday, Don and I went to the Minnesota State Fair. We went early, so the weather was nice and the crowds weren't too bad. By the time we left, however, it was wall-to-wall people and H-O-T. Since this was our first time, we just kind of wandered around. My favorite part was the birthing barn where we saw piglets, calves, foals, lambs, ducklings and baby rabbits. The main activity seems to be eating, but we did pretty well with our only real treat being the chocolate chip cookies with a big glass of milk. Most people get the bucket o'cookies (about 4 dozen) but I opted for the small serving (a baker's dozen).

Weight-wise, thing are pretty status quo. I tend to say right between 162 - 167, relying mostly on diet since I haven't really had a chance to get back into a proper gym schedule. I'm hoping to change that tomorrow and this weekend. I'm still in a bit of awe how easy this has been for me, and that people actually consider me tiny. I don't always feel it, and I still often see the "fat girl" in the mirror. I am still considering plastic surgery which could remove another 10-15 pounds, but it's still pricey and we just don't have the funds right now. It's hard, because I really want it, but I also have to weigh other factors, like the fact we need to do some things around the house and taxes due in October.

Nothing much on tap for this weekend. I know for sure I want to go shopping with the gift cards I got for my birthday (Macy's, Eddie Bauer, Bloomingdale's and Land's End). On Sunday, I'm looking to have a few work friends over to watch football and actually do some work-related projects.

Off to bed - I have to be up at 5:30 AM tomorrow and need my beauty sleep!

Nerves of Jell-O

I have my consultation with a plastic surgeon at 3:00 today, and for some reason I am very nervous. I'm not sure if it's because I don't want to get my hopes up thinking insurance will pay for some of it and then come to find out the procedures are going to be $20K out of pocket if it's because I'm afraid of being judged by the surgeon or what. Regardless, I am sitting here with butterflies in my stomach and sawdust in my mouth, my palms are sweaty and my heart is pounding. At least Don thinks he'll be able to go with me, so that will be good.

We had a very nice weekend. On Saturday, we took the dogs for a walk, got the car looked at (and got 4 new tires - UGH!!) and spent time on the deck. My friends Carol and Mandy came over with their pups, Pablo and Gracie. The dogs did pretty well. We had to break them up twice but it was more posturing than anything else. I grilled chicken and Carol made pomegranate mojitos.

On Sunday, we took the tired dogs for a grooming appointment. Once we got them home we all crashed on the deck. I haven't seen the dogs so tired! They were pooped out all day. Don said they bounced back this morning pretty well, but I'm sure it will be another day or two before they are feeling frisky again.

I will try and post after my appointment. Keep your fingers crossed!!

Storm Central

We are expecting major storms overnight and through tomorrow. It's been a weird spring as far as weather is concerned. We haven't had some of the severe thunderstorms we usually get, although that may change as of tonight. There are tornado watches to the west of us heading our way. It will make for an interesting morning commute. As a Work Force Management Specialist, we could be in for a hectic opening if all of our staff can't get in... It's grey and windy, but you can tell a storm is a-brewing...

In the meantime, I just had a manicure and had them cut my nails really short because I just got a new work BlackBerry! It's a blessing and a curse - I can check e-mail while I'm in back-to-back-to-back meetings but it also means I am accessible 24/7. I've learned to type pretty quickly on the small keyboard, even at stop lights, which is a bad thing.

Everything else is well. It's just a few short weeks before Don and I pack up the dogs and head west for 2 weeks in Santa Barbara. I am really looking forward to doing nothing. Of course I will have the blessed/cursed BlackBerry but hopefully that will just help with my workload when I get back.

My weight still hovers between 161 and 166. I panic when it gets into the upper reaches, but know I shouldn't. I am eating better and keeping up with my fluids. I have found that I am addicted to Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snaps - not a good thing. I am still amazed that my idea of "stuffing" myself has changed so much. Just last weekend I was at a BBQ and I ate an entire hamburger!. I have to remind myself that prior to surgery I would have eaten 2 burgers or at least a burger and a hotdog plus all the sides - potato salad, beans, chips, coleslaw, etc. Even with something like pizza - a big trigger food for me - I can have 1 slice and be done. Before, it would have been 3-4-5 slices, easily.

No big plans for the weekend other than a pedicure and an eyebrow wax, both long overdue. I have a few Father Day surprises for Don. Sunday is also the last episode of "The Sopranos" so I will be making a (modified) Italian feast, including my stuffed shells. I figured I will offset the pasta with the meat, cheese and veggies. I hope to have enough good weather to let us take the dogs for a much needed hike.

We're watching "History of the World, Part I" which cracks me up every time I see it.

Here's to Mel Brooks... And why didn't you do a "History of the World, Part II?"

Relaxation

I am on the second day of five days off. We took the dogs for an early hike. It was so nice - it was on the cool side, around 50 degrees (after two days of unexpected 90+), and there was no one on the trail. I ran some errands, including picking up a swim suit that actually fits and a sweater (for $7) and a skirt (for $13) at Target.

I have a follow up appointment with my PCP today regarding my depression meds, which should only take about 15 minutes. I'm having lunch with a friend and then Don and I are meeting with our financial planner. In between all that, I'm hoping to spend some time out on the deck reading and playing with the dogs.

Tomorrow, I have a therapy appointment and then lunch with another friend. Don and I are planning on seeing "Shrek 3" tomorrow night as well. I'm hoping we can take the dogs for an early run to the dog park, especially if the weather is supposed to hold.

I don't know what we're going to do over the weekend. We've talked about going to the zoo, maybe finding a batting cage/mini golf course. There's also another walking path around Purgatory Lake that we might explore with the dogs to give them something else to do.

There is a funny story out of yesterday's hike... Around the trail, there are a few places where we can go down to the lake shore. This allows the dogs a chance to splash around in the shallows and to get a drink. We went down and the dogs got a drink and sniffed around, as usual. Baja came upon a dead fish, and instead of just smelling it, he started rubbing his muzzle on it, much to Don's surprise! We had a good laugh and continued on. At the boat launch, we repeated the drill - dogs splash around, get a drink, sniff - and, again, Baja finds a dead fish in the tall grass and starts rolling in it! We called him Fish Head for the rest of the day. Don thinks it's better than the time Jager rolled in horse manure, but I think dead fish smell is far worse.

Today is the 11th anniversary of when Don and I first met. I always give him a hard time about giving me his wrong phone number (it was a new number for him, and he transposed numbers) and not calling the (right) number I gave him. His comeback is always that it worked out for the best in the end. The funny thing is, I kept the napkin with the wrong number. Even when I moved in with him, I had it hanging on our bulletin board, just as a little inside joke. He was always trying to get me to throw it away. At our rehearsal dinner, I actually put the napkin in a box and gave it to him as my wedding gift. He tried to burn it, and it wouldn't catch fire! It's now framed and sitting on our mantle as a reminder of second chances.

Other than that, things are good. My weight continues to sit right between 162.4 and 165 without too much food manipulation. I've actually been eating pretty well - Chicken Parmigiana with asparagus last night, grilled tri-tip with cucumber/red onion/tomato salad (with feta cheese and Kalamata olives), citrus/garlic grilled chicken. I think that sitting down at the table every night with Don has helped me get into a routine with dinner.

Food is becoming less and less of an issue for me. I still don't feel any hunger, and I have to force myself to eat, but I don't seem as "afraid" of food as I have been. I know I can eat more but it's still a hell of a lot less than I used to. Since doughy carbs are hard for me to eat (soft breads, rice, pasta, potatoes) I stay away from them and focus on protein, veggies and fruit. For instance, a meal in years past might have been a large rib-eye steak and a baked potato with butter and sour cream. I might have made a pass at veggies, but they were never a major part of the meal. Now, it's 4 ounces of meat, veggies (asparagus, broccoli, green beans, etc.) and a salad (with things like red onions, beets, peppers, grape tomatoes, cheese, nuts).

Anyway, I'm off to get ready for the doctor.

Numb3rs

What a gorgeous weekend! I've been able to spend a lot of time outside, really enjoying the warm weather, the breeze, no humidity or bugs. I grilled rib eye steaks on Friday since I knew Don and I wouldn't get to spend a lot of time together this weekend. He was gone from 10:00 AM to 10:30 PM yesterday. It shouldn't be as long of a day today, but he'll still get home around 7:00 or so. Part of me wishes it was a crappy weekend so he didn't feel like he missed anything, but there are more nice weekends to come, I'm sure.

I went to Macy's yesterday at Mall of America. They were offering free knife sharpening and my knives were in desperate need of that. I also went spring/summer clothing shopping to use up the remaining balance on my gift cards from Christmas. As I lost weight, I would sometimes freak out about clothes shopping. For those who have never had a weight issue, this might seem odd, but there is nothing like the feeling of going into a dressing room and not have anything fit or look right.

When I was at my heaviest, I could pretty much shop at one store, and I knew I just had to find their largest size. My choices were somewhat limited, and I knew exactly what size I was - 26/28. Even as I was losing weight, I was worried about buying smaller sizes since part of me wondered if I would actually get to that size. Even when I knew the surgery was working, I never imagined that I would be in single-digit sizes, and the choices could be overwhelming.

Now, when I go shopping, I have to remember that sizes don't always transfer from brand to brand. My size 14 jeans from Lane Bryant fit the same as my size 12 jeans from Eddie Bauer. I can wear either a size 8 or size 10 skirt. There are still size 14/16 shirts I can wear along side size 10 shirts. I always have to take in a large and a medium shirt into the dressing room, because, depending on the cut, I can wear both.

When I went to Macy's yesterday, with the goal of adding to my depleted spring/summer wardrobe, I had the mindset that I could not pay attention to the size number on the clothes. I had to buy what fit right, which could mean anything between an 8 or a 12, a medium or a large. I ended up with 3 skirts, a dress, 4 tops, and 2 pairs of pants.

The other thing I need to "get over" are the stores I can shop in. I had limited myself to one - Lane Bryant. I felt OK in Macy's and Target, but some boutique stores still scared me. I felt like an imposture, way out of my league. Stores like Gap, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, etc. intimidated me. I didn't feel like I belonged. I mean, in my mind, there is no way I could fit into "regular" sizes.

Imagine my surprise when I was able to walk into a Ann Taylor Loft store and fit into a size! I even picked out a large sweater and a size 12 skirt. The sweater was way too big and the skirt was easily a size too big. In the end I purchased a size 10 skirt for 60% off. I still can't imagine I can go into a "normal" store and find clothes.

It's really easy to determine who we are by size. I have found that is not an accurate determination of who we are. We are more than that, although I know it's hard to always realize that. We want to be a "Size 8", but most aren't. Men, for the most part, are not defined by size, but women are. It's not fair, but it is what it is.

Right now, I can honestly say I am a size 8, or a size 14, depending on the cut.

TGI Thursday!

Can I just say how much I love three-day weekends? I have tomorrow off and am looking forward to the long weekend with sunny skies and warm temps. It's going to be a great weekend to be outside. I do have some gardening to do, but plan to spend most of the time out on the deck with a book and the dogs. Don will be at the Vikings' facility monitoring the very long, very boring draft. He'll have to be there about 8-9 hours, along side crazy fans clad in purple and gold. I do not envy him, that's for sure!

Other than relaxing in the sun, I do have some general housecleaning to do (in the AM before the sun hits the deck!) as well as a few errands - car wash, manicure, Trader Joe's. I was supposed to hang out Sunday with a friend but she has to work so I think we'll just meet for breakfast. We went out this past weekend and had a nice time - had breakfast, drove up the riverbank into St. Paul, stopped at a few really cool stores including the Midtown Global Market and then went to Trader Joe's. I had wanted to get home in time to spend a few hours outside, but the weather turned and it rained pretty much the remainder of Sunday.

Everything seems to be pretty much status quo. I think I'm finally in a comfortable place with my foods, and I have been eating 3 meals plus 2 snacks pretty consistently lately. I haven't been doing anything to try and lose weight and I seem to be maintaining pretty easily. I could probably be eating more if I would get back into an exercise routine, but this seems to be working for me and I can stay right around the 164 mark. I've actually looked in the mirror a few times this week and I think I can finally see it. So often I catch a glimpse of myself and still see all the flaws instead of all the progress. In fact, I was in the lunchroom today getting water, and the TV was running a Nutrisystem commercial and the guys says, "I lost 50 pounds!" and in my response (in my head) was, "Yeah, I wish I could lose 50 pounds." What? I really had to catch myself and wonder where that thinking was coming from. I mean, I could lose another 5-10 pounds pretty safely, but there is no reason to need or want to lose 50 more pounds.

I think that just comes from the many, many years of being in the "losing" mind set. This is just one reason why I'm trying to keep my weight stable rather than continuing to lose. It's a weird place to be in, especially after living in the "always needing to lose" neighborhood. I told my bariatric nurse that I did not want to be one of those people who constantly whined about losing these "last 5 pounds." At some point, I am going to have to learn to be happy with my body no matter the number on the scale.

I'm late night leader at work, so I'm here for another 64 minutes (not that I'm counting or anything!). Off to do some catch up reading!

The Arrival of Spring & Allergies

Spring is officially here in all her glory with longer days, crisp mornings, chirping birds, bunnies in the front yard, blooming trees, scratchy eyes and sore throats! I woke up this morning with bleary eyes and a head so stuffed it feels like I ate every cotton ball in the house.

I ended up calling in sick since I didn't get a lick of sleep and I still can't breathe. I really didn't want to take a sick day since I am planning on taking next Friday off, but I'd be SFB today, plus I don't know if I have anything to wear that wouldn't clash with the red in my eyes.

I have my 18-month follow up with the bariatric clinic at 3:30 this afternoon. I'll meet with my nurse and have my blood work drawn. The only thing I have going on physically are some ulcers that I will need scoped to see their severity and figure out if I need something other than Prilosec.

I am pretty pleased with my progress. I have been able to maintain weight for the past few months - keeping it between 163 and 167 without too much work. I think my surgeon will be happy with where I am, especially since I'm below his goal of 185. I think I'm working the tool well. I have some emotional issues to deal with, but those have always been there, just hidden away.

It's supposed to be nice this weekend with some chance of early evening thunderstorms. Typical Minnesota spring. Just as long as the days are nice so we can do some hikes with the dogs and spend some time on the deck. I just love being outside this time of year, allergies notwithstanding.

Since I'm home, I guess I can be helpful around the house - laundry, dishes and the like. And a nap. Definitely a nap.

Back to Work

It was a sad day at our house on Sunday as both Don and I wrapped up our week of vacation. He's back monitioring Vikings news and I'm back in the office. It was tough getting up at 5:30 AM yesterday, but I'm feeling pretty good today and back in the swing of things.

I had a great week - we got a lot accomplished. We met with our financial advisor and worked out a plan to consolidate the debt with a much lower monthly payment and know about tracking every penny that passes through our hands and making neccesary cuts. I know it's just for the short term until we get things squared away, so no yoga, but continuing our gym membership; getting manicures but no pedicures; cutting out wine clubs and the housecleaning services. I feel a lot less anxious about the financial stuff now that Don and I are working on it together.

My follow-up meeting with my PCP went well. She has me on Celexa (anti-depressant) and Ativan (anti-anxiety, taken as needed). I'm not sure if it's just the Celexa, but I do feel calmer and less anxious. It's almost like I'm more focused. I'm still working on sleeping through the night. One of the side effects is either causing drowsiness or hyper-activity, so I started out taking my daily dose at night but I seem to wake up around midnight and toss and turn for a few hours, although last night didn't seem as bad. I didn't want to start taking it in the morning and falling asleep at my desk. I'll continue with taking it at night for another week and see how I do.

I did weigh in on Sunday and saw my lowest weight to date - 162.8. I have now lost more weight (178.3 pounds) than what I currently weigh. I'm still working on just maintaining my weight, and I haven't really skipped a lot of meals, so I guess my body is still shedding a few more pounds on its own. I did do a lot of walking while I was off - we took the dogs for a hike or a walk almost every day. Now that I'm back to work, though, I am going to try and get into a better gym routine - 4 days a week in addition to walks with the dogs.

One of my big To Dos over the week was to get a new driver's license photo. I was getting tired of the double-takes and questions. The guy taking my photo was very nice - he even let me do my first one over since I looked startled. Now if I can just convince work security to let me take a new one I might actually wear my ID badge in the office (I usually stuff it in my desk even though we're supposed to wear it).

Other than that, I finished the first two books of the Fantasy Challenge (see below) and started the third. I had coffee with some friends on Saturday and then went to the Minneapolis Institute of Art which was a lot of fun. I can't believe I've been here 2.5 years and this was my first museum trip in the city. Sunday was spent mostly complaining about the weather (rainy and gloomy) and going back to work.

Speaking of weather - last Monday we were at 81 and yesterday it barely made it to 50. Supposedly we're getting 1-3 inches of snow (!!) today, and some lows will dip into the teens over the next few days. What happened to spring? We even broke out the deck chairs!!

Off to get this day started.

Liquid Diet Redux

So I have been experiencing some pretty major abdominal discomfort over the last few days. It finally got bad enough to call my nurse at the bariatric clinic who recommended that I go to Urgent Care.

After 4 hours, 2 x-rays, blood work and reading bad magazines (Western Horseman, Catholic Digest), the doctor told me that I had what looked like a partial blockage of my intestines. This is somewhat common among those who have had surgery since we have such a protein-focused diet and we don’t get a lot of fiber. Further, many programs require iron and calcium (milk, cheese), both of which can cause constipation.

The doctor recommended some magnesium citrate, Milk of Magnesia, stool softeners, enemas, etc. as well as a 3-day liquid diet. I got some of the mag citrate and drank that around 9:00 last night. When I’ve taken it in the past, it kicks in within about 30 minutes, but this didn’t start things, um, moving until about 3:00 this morning. Yeah, not a real fun night.

However, despite a lack of sleep, the results have been good and I don’t feel bloated and I’m not in pain, so I’ll take that. The liquid diet won’t be fun, but it’s the best thing for my system right now and as long as things keep moving, I figure I can have real food as early as Friday lunch.

The funny thing is, while I was in the waiting room reading December’s issue of Esquire, there was a bit in there about how magnesium can really enhance your dreams. I made a comment to Don, since I have really weird dreams to begin with, the last thing I would need was to mag load before bed. It didn’t even cross my mind as I was drinking the mag citrate that it might cause some wacky dreams. Let me tell you, this took it to a whole new level. I remembered more of the dream (pretty amazing since I can usually recall things like the color of the carpet or what book a person was reading) and the dreams seemed longer. And a lot weirder, too. Pretty cool…

I did get a citation for “inattentive driving” to the tune of $146.00. Guess I will be fighting that in court. Still no news from my insurance company, so I will just sit back and let that run its course. The police report did show that both of our accounts were the same, so at least there’s no question as to what happened. I’m hoping the judge will see that her stopping once she pulled into traffic was as much of an issue as me taking my eyes off the car in front of me to look for traffic.

How’s this for excitement… As I came out of a meeting this afternoon, the intercom in the office was going off with Security saying to stay where you are and that this alarm did not affect our area. I went into our Command Center where we watch all the calls coming in and the associates who are logged on and there was some confusion as to what was happening. First, only the second floor was being evacuated. Then, it was the eighth floor. We called Security and they would not confirm what floors were or were not being asked to leave the building. Finally, we were told all floors.

In my area, this means we need to stay back and make sure all the incoming calls are routed to virtual or off-shore agents. We also need to put messaging out so when people call in they know why there may be a delay in getting their call answered. The majority of the building was either all the way out or in the stairwells when we got the all clear. For those on the stairs, it was easy enough to turn around and walk back to your floor. For those who were already through our security checkpoint on the first floor, it was a bit more complicated. We have turnstiles that not only read our security badge but also our fingerprint. Of course, that system crashed and Security was trying to let people in one by one so their badge could be checked. In the end, they just opened the gates so people could get back to work.

I was really torn between getting the hell out of Dodge or staying back and doing my job. My thoughts went immediately to 9/11. I’m sure there were people there who hung back to complete their jobs figuring they’d get out in time. This incident really shines a bright light on maybe a little something I need to work on in therapy…
Back to work. I just had some veggie soup and if it stops snowing soon, I may brave the teen temps and go get a latte to warm my afternoon.

It's Just A Number

I have pretty much come to accept that my weight, for the time being anyway, is going to fluctuate between 167 and 172. And that my BMI is going to remain around 26 (a "normal" BMI is 25 or less, which would be 159 pounds). My body has pretty much stopped losing inches, although my arms did go down another half inch or so.

But it's hard not to contain my excitement when I saw this number - 21%.

I asked one of the trainers to do my body fat while I was at the gym on Wednesday. I had it done back in July and I was pretty sure I couldn't be much below 25 - 26%. When he told me it was 21% I nearly wept. That means, at my current body weight, I only have 35 pounds of fat. Compare that to 164 of fat pounds prior to surgery. I almost weigh that now - total body weight - and that's what I used to carry around on my back and hips and knees of fat alone. So you must understand my excitement...

My eating has gotten a lot better, although hardly perfect. I am getting in 4 meals a day, and often 5 (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner). I am getting 100+ ounces of water in every day. I've remembered to take all of my supps (with the exception of calcium last night).

Not to toot my own horn, but the local paper, Eden Prairie News ran an article about me and my blog... Very cool, but hopefully not too many people I know will stumble upon it...

Off to play a rousing game of Super Scrabble with Don. He'll probably kick my ass, but it should be fun nonetheless.

One Year, and 160 Pounds Gone

Thursday was my 1 year anniversary since I had gastric bypass surgery. Here are the 1 year stats:

Highest Weight (2005): 336.6
Weight Day of Surgery: 321.8
Weight on 10/5/06: 176.6
Loss Since Surgery: 145.2
Total Loss: 160.0

Obviously I feel great and don't regret my decision for an instant. I have been very lucky - no physical ailments (other than a bit of an ulcer which I'm treating with Priolsec); no serious emotional issues; no support or relationship problems.

I am far more active today than I was a year ago. I think that's one of the best things. I really enjoy moving and doing exercise. It really makes me feel good, whether it's a brisk walk with the dogs or belly dancing or doing yoga. I feel strong, I have stamina, I can feel muscles that I didn't know I had.

Of course, the biggest thing is my health. I'm still on thyroid meds, but I am off my blood pressure ones and am no longer borderline diabetic. My joints don't hurt, my back hasn't gone out in a year, I sleep better, I don't have acid reflux. It's amazing what you can focus on when you aren't worried about health concerns.

I guess the biggest indication of success is that there are days when I actually forget I've had surgery. I can go out to dinner and order what I want - I just don't eat as much. I make better food choices, both eating out and at the grocery store. I eat less processed food and more whole and organic foods. I look for lean proteins, high fiber, whole grains, low fat. I don't feel deprived when I eat. The biggest issue continues not feeling hungry and making myself eat when I don't want to. That I can live with - I think it's a lot harder for those who still mourn and miss food and who have to deal with head-hunger.

I couldn't have enjoyed this success without my wonderful support group of friends and family. Not one person was negative about the surgery, and all have continued to be supportive. Don has been wonderful, even sending me a dozen roses to celebrate my 1 year anniversary.

Anyway, it's a beautiful day and I'm about to hit the gym and even try a Core Cardio class. Later, we'll take the dogs for a hike and maybe take a second trip to the dog park in the same area. We took the dogs yesterday and they loved it. Not a lot else is going on. I plan on enjoying some outdoor time and spending time with Don... and just being thankful for getting my life back.

Inching Closer

I knew as soon as I complained about not losing any weight, I would finally see some lower numbers on the scale. I'm below 180 - weighing 178.8 this morning. I actually only got on the scale once because I was afraid if I got on again it would read higher. I am now just 8.8 pounds away from my goal, and only 18.8 pounds away from a normal BMI.

I'm still not sure what my final weight will be. The conventional wisdom among my group of experts seems to be that I can get to 170 but 160 might be tough with the excess skin. I know I've talked about plastic surgery but I'm still iffy on it, simply because I don't have that big of a problem with it and I can still tone and tighten some of the excess within the next year. Most PS surgeons will not operate on a WLS patient until they are 1 year post-op and have 1 year at a steady weight. Ideally, I will get to 170 before the end of the year and be able to maintain that weight through 2007 so I can consider PS in 2008. What I really want done are "the girls," but that's also the least bothersome area. I hate my arms and my thighs, but they are not that bad in comparison with some I've seen. Heck, even my stomach isn't horrible. I might actually be able to get away with lipo in some areas.

I just don't know if it's worth the pain and additional scarring for a measly 10 pounds, but I have to be mentally prepared to not stress over those 10 pounds. From what I understand arms and thighs are the two most painful areas to have reconstructive surgery, and the scars are sometimes worse than the loose skin. There is also the Total Body Lift, which is becoming popular, but the expense, time, pain all will factor into my ultimate decision. Of course I worry that I will never be satisfied and always be in such fear of gaining the weight back that I won't enjoy the body I'm in now.

My shoulder/rotator cuff injury seems to be healing up just fine. It doesn't cause me pain all the time, just when I do certain movements. I'm still doing the physical therapy and I've laid off the weights at the gym for the time being. I'm hoping to be cleared to do light arm weights today so I can hit the gym over the weekend. I know I'll go tomorrow and at least do legs and cardio prior to coffee. If the weather holds, Don and I will take the dogs for a nice long hike today. I just need to get some more activity in during the week instead of trying to cram it all in over the weekend.

Don's traveling to Buffalo on Saturday. I don't have any big plans over the weekend other than trying to frame some photos from this summer. I framed one last weekend and then got distracted (probably dog related). I have about a dozen or so to do plus I have a few multi photo frames that need filling. Now that I'm not embarrassed to be in front of the camera, there are suddenly a lot more photos of me. Even Don was talking about getting our photo in front of our maple out front now that it's in full fall colors. Maybe this year our Christmas card will actually include Don and me instead of just the dogs.

Work, for the most part, is going well. One of my new hires started last week and he's doing a great job. I've finally figured out a transition plan for my group that I schedule, so that's a weight of my shoulders. I'm almost afraid that once I get everyone in place with their new groups, I won't have anything to do! My boss assures me that there is plenty of work to go around. The one bad thing that happened is that the admin who I've been having some personality conflicts with (but I'm trying to be mature about), asked me to forward some information to her, which I did but accidentally included some chatter between me and another admin about her. It, rightfully, upset her and I needed to face the music and admit that I had gone to her boss with some feedback. I told her exactly what I said to him and that I wanted her to succeed but she needed to want to as well. I then had to tell my boss and her boss what I did so she couldn't spin it into "Shannin was mean to me again."

The best news, however, is that I finally was able to have a conversation with my boss about money. It's never easy to discuss, and our company has pretty strict rules about when you can get increases and how much. One of the "rules" is that when you move from one level to the next, you only get a 10% raise, no matter what the minimum new salary is. Because I had to take a pay cut when I moved from California to here, I was way below what I should have been for my last two promotions but never wanted to say anything. For the last few months, I've been over $10k less than what the minimum salary is for my current position. Also, some of my own team - the ones I manage - make more than I did. I didn't think my boss was going to be able to do anything because of the "rules," but he totally stepped up and got the approvals he needed to get me right in the range I should be. I thought for sure it would just be a little bump of 10% of my current salary, but it was a lot more. I'm still a little below what I should be making but with a good review and bonus in April, I will be (finally) where I should be.

Off to get the work day started. I'm bugging out a little early for my PT appointment, and I think I can convince Don to take me out to dinner tonight...