The Ongoing Adventures of Naked Girl

The story of my quest to look good naked -- really good.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Numb3rs

What a gorgeous weekend! I've been able to spend a lot of time outside, really enjoying the warm weather, the breeze, no humidity or bugs. I grilled rib eye steaks on Friday since I knew Don and I wouldn't get to spend a lot of time together this weekend. He was gone from 10:00 AM to 10:30 PM yesterday. It shouldn't be as long of a day today, but he'll still get home around 7:00 or so. Part of me wishes it was a crappy weekend so he didn't feel like he missed anything, but there are more nice weekends to come, I'm sure.

I went to Macy's yesterday at Mall of America. They were offering free knife sharpening and my knives were in desperate need of that. I also went spring/summer clothing shopping to use up the remaining balance on my gift cards from Christmas. As I lost weight, I would sometimes freak out about clothes shopping. For those who have never had a weight issue, this might seem odd, but there is nothing like the feeling of going into a dressing room and not have anything fit or look right.

When I was at my heaviest, I could pretty much shop at one store, and I knew I just had to find their largest size. My choices were somewhat limited, and I knew exactly what size I was - 26/28. Even as I was losing weight, I was worried about buying smaller sizes since part of me wondered if I would actually get to that size. Even when I knew the surgery was working, I never imagined that I would be in single-digit sizes, and the choices could be overwhelming.

Now, when I go shopping, I have to remember that sizes don't always transfer from brand to brand. My size 14 jeans from Lane Bryant fit the same as my size 12 jeans from Eddie Bauer. I can wear either a size 8 or size 10 skirt. There are still size 14/16 shirts I can wear along side size 10 shirts. I always have to take in a large and a medium shirt into the dressing room, because, depending on the cut, I can wear both.

When I went to Macy's yesterday, with the goal of adding to my depleted spring/summer wardrobe, I had the mindset that I could not pay attention to the size number on the clothes. I had to buy what fit right, which could mean anything between an 8 or a 12, a medium or a large. I ended up with 3 skirts, a dress, 4 tops, and 2 pairs of pants.

The other thing I need to "get over" are the stores I can shop in. I had limited myself to one - Lane Bryant. I felt OK in Macy's and Target, but some boutique stores still scared me. I felt like an imposture, way out of my league. Stores like Gap, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, etc. intimidated me. I didn't feel like I belonged. I mean, in my mind, there is no way I could fit into "regular" sizes.

Imagine my surprise when I was able to walk into a Ann Taylor Loft store and fit into a size! I even picked out a large sweater and a size 12 skirt. The sweater was way too big and the skirt was easily a size too big. In the end I purchased a size 10 skirt for 60% off. I still can't imagine I can go into a "normal" store and find clothes.

It's really easy to determine who we are by size. I have found that is not an accurate determination of who we are. We are more than that, although I know it's hard to always realize that. We want to be a "Size 8", but most aren't. Men, for the most part, are not defined by size, but women are. It's not fair, but it is what it is.

Right now, I can honestly say I am a size 8, or a size 14, depending on the cut.

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