Reality Bites

We started packing some items to make the house look bigger. I've packed some of my overflowing bookshelves, my stereo, hid my DVDs out of site and will be putting a lot of my candles, photos, knick-knacks into boxes this afternoon. It's weird walking into my living room and noticing two bookshelves gone. I also need to arrange for a weekly cleaning service. I'm starting to get quotes from movers. My painter comes Monday to do touch ups, repaint the fencing and trim and do some minor repair work (doggie damage). We will hopefully get the deck sanded and refinished this week as well.

As I was outside yesterday, it really started to hit me. I realized that I would never see my newly planted bouganvillas fully bloom. I also realized that once Don leaves next Monday, he will never "live" here again. Depending on his schedule, he might come out during his bye week, but for the most part, when he gets in his car and heads east, that's it for him. I know he's starting to feel it as well, especially the part about leaving me and the dogs. It would be so much easier if we had time and we were making the move together.

I am planning to do some things that I wish the former owners had done for us -- have the house cleaned (nothing more gross than getting into the shower for the first time only to be confronted with strangers' hairs -- yuck!), leave a local phone book, a number for the gardening service we use, etc. I am also planning on leaving local take out menus, a note to when garbage pick up is (we only found out by looking out our window on Sunday and seeing all of our neighbors' cans) and info on DirecTV (since we have to leave the dish behind). I just want the new owners to experience as much love in this home as we have. I've already set the fireplace for them.

So much to do, and what seems like so little time. My mom is coming out on Tueday. My birthday is Sunday, and that's why Don is not leaving until Monday. This will be the longest we've been apart since we met just over 8 years ago, so I know it's going to be a challenge. Luckily, I have a great support system in place, and my friends and family won't let me retreat too far into my shell.

Off to work on my packing. Usually I love to move, however this is tasting very bittersweet.

A True Friday Meme

Hey, look, I'm actually doing this on Friday! Although this is for LA, feel free to do it for your own town.

You have a friend coming into town for a weekend, next weekend in fact, Labor Day weekend. They are arriving at LAX at 8:00 pm on Friday and leaving on Monday at 6:00 pm. Your job is to entertain them of course and to show them the city. What would you do, where would you go, what will you eat? Break it down by day, and feel free to overlap time periods for extended events.

Time Periods

Friday Night I would pick them up and head to the Promenade, maybe for a quick bite at Islands or On The Border
and then catch a movie. I'd keep it low key for the first night.

Saturday Morning We would swing by Mani's Bakery for some coffee and pastries and then go see Body Worlds at the California Science Center.

Saturday Day After seeing the exhibit, we'd probably be hungry, so we'd go over to The Farmer's Market and check out The Grove. While in the area, we would cruise the Sunset strip, through West Hollywood and Beverly Hills, taking it all the way to PCH.

Saturday Night We'd enjoy a sunset dinner at Geoffry's. From there we'd go to Gotham Hall in Santa Monica for a few games of pool, and, for a night cap, head to the Viceroy Hotel's Cameo Bar.

Sunday Morning We'd start at the Santa Monica Farmer's Market. Brunch would be at Cafe Del Rey watching people heading out on their yachts.

Sunday Day To work brunch off, we'd rent some bikes and hang out in Venice, ending back at the Baja Cantina for a refreshing margarita (or two) and some great chips & salsa.

Sunday Night After picking up picnic fare at Gelson's, we'd go to the Hollywood Bowl to see "The Big Picture -- The Films of MGM/UA." We finish the night at Roscoe's for some chicken and waffles.

Monday Morning We'd take the dogs to play at the Off-Leash Dog park in Redondo Beach, picking up some lattes at the corner Starbuck's.

Monday Day Since it's Labor Day, a final summer backyard BBQ is in order.

The Magical Number

After meeting with 2 listing agents, we have decided to put our house on the market the day after Labor Day at $669,900.00. Yep, over a half million big ones for a 1500 square foot house. Un-fucking-believable. Even to me, and I've been keeping tabs on the local market even before we bought. Forget the stock market -- buy property in LA. Who would have thunk a 50% mark up in 3 years without doing anything to upgrade the property? Who knows what we could have gotten if we ever remodeled the kitchen or even the bathroom.

I have made contact with the agent in Minneapolis, and here is one of the houses at the top of our list. Once our house gets up on the 'net, I promise to provide a link. If not, I will post photos (with the help of Danelle) for sizing.

I had to drive up to my dad's on my lunch break today. For those familiar with the area, I work at La Cienega & Slauson and my dad lives at La Cienega & Queens. I had Fleetwood Mac on the CD player and was getting a little emotional about what I would be missing living here in sunny Southern California. And then I realized that it took me 35 minutes to travel about 10 miles. I won't be missing that.

What I am finding is that I am suddenly nostalgic for places I haven't been to in a long time. My guess is because I have taken them for granted. They have always been there, and were only a short car ride away -- The Beverly Center, Century City Mall, LACMA (LA County Museum of Art), the Getty Center, Venice Beach, Trader Joe's (OK, I do shop here two - three times a month, but they don't have them in Minneapolis), Dodger Stadium, the Natural History museums at USC, the Santa Monica Farmer's Markets, etc. Even the weather I take for granted -- it's almost sunny and 75. What I won't miss is a heavy dew causing KNBC to break out their Storm Watch team. I'll miss the 10:00 AM and 1:15 PM kickoff times for NFL games (nothing like drinking coffee and watching the pre-game shows). I'll miss seeing local coverage of the USC Trojans (my alma mater) playing (although with their National Title hopes so high this year, they should be a national draw). I'll miss the LA Times, especially the Sunday edition. I already know the Minneapolis Star Tribune doesn't carry all my favorite cartoons (although they do carry my #1 favorite, Get Fuzzy).

I guess I must have had the same stress when I moved to Ottawa and New York. But I think that was partly due to the fact I knew I was going to come "home." Now, I'm not so sure.

I did find this quote on a card in a store in Minneapolis. I thought it captured exactly what I was feeling:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." -- Gilda Radner

I also find comfort in wearing Yellow. Live Strong. That is my motto for now. I need to. I must.

LA Meme

Somewhat appropriate because of all that's going on...

1. What city or part of Los Angeles do you live in now? Westchester
2. If you have lived somewhere else in the area, where was it? I was born and raised here. I've lived in Studio City, La Canada, USC campus, Tijunga, Sunland, West LA, Culver City, Marina Del Rey
3. Besides where you live now, where else would you want to live in the area? Topanga Canyon, although I'd prefer Montecito or San Diego
4. Where would you not want to live? The Valley, East LA, Long Beach
5. How often do you venture out of your area? I stay pretty close to home -- Marina Del Rey, Santa Monica, Culver City
6. Where do you usually go when you get out? Pasadena, La Canada, West Hollywood
7. How far do you work/school from where you live? 3 miles
8. Money is no object; Beach, the Hills, the City or Leave? The beach

Reality Hitting

So, it's beginning to seem real. I mean, we were only discussing this less than 2 weeks ago, and now it's all happening at once. I met with my first real estate agent yesterday and he'll be back tonight with what he thinks is the right price. I'm also interviewing a 2nd realtor, but probably won't go with him since he's not familiar with the area. I am actually showing the house tomorrow night to a co-worker's sister who is looking for a house in our neighborhood.

We will start packing up some stuff this weekend, just to make the house look less cluttered. That's going to be hard, because that's when it will probably hit me.

I did have a mini-crying jag early this morning when I was in bed with Don and the dogs. Baja was laying on his side parallel to Don, sharing his pillow and Don had his arm tossed over Baja's side. Baja's face was all wrinkly and when I started to wax poetic about how great our pack is, etc., Baja put one paw over his eyes like, "Hey, Mom, can't you see I'm trying to get some sleep. Keep it down."

I am lucky that I have such an understanding husband. He totally lets me express my feelings. I can tell that I am holding back and stuffing down some pretty intense emotions. It's just going to be easier to try and take a detached view, because otherwise I am going to be a puddle of emotions in no time.

My sentimental feelings stem from the fact this was our first home. It holds so many good, strong memories. Knowing that someone else will be enjoying it is bringing out the jealousy in me (I know, irrational). How did I get so attached to this house? Of course, the big challenge is not to sedate my emotions.

Geeze....I have to keep a handle on my feelings while not stuffing my face. Do ya think it can be done?

Land of 10,000 Lakes, Here We Come

So, no big upset, but Don has officially been offered the job in Minnesota. He's not accepted -- he wanted 24 hours to "think" about it, but it mosly time to give his current job notification and to get the ball rolling here. We've already been pre-approved for a home loan, should have our selling and buying realtors lined up by Monday and spoken to someone about getting the house painted. I still have to start on my job stuff -- getting my manager to approach the manager there, getting my resume posted with Carlson Travel, etc. The hard part is going to be getting the house ready to sell -- minor repairs, painting, cleaning, etc. I'm hoping to see the house on the market no later than September 15th and sold by October 15th. That will give me 30 days to find a place in Minneapolis. I'd love to be there no later than Nov. 15th. It's an agressive time table but I don't want to drag the move into the middle of winter if at all possible. Plus, I want to cut the time apart from Don to as little as possible.

It's overwhelming, to say the least. I am glad the wait is over. I did really like the area -- it's so green and wet. I know the dogs will love it, and I can't wait to see them see snow for the first time. I even visited the Mall of America. It was OK -- I guess I expected more. Getting around was easy and there was little traffic to speak of. Everyone was very nice and were forthcoming with answers to all of my questions. I ususally have a hard time reaching out to people, but I thought I did pretty well, speaking to hotel staff, waiters, store clerks, etc. to ask them about living there.

The good thing is that I think we're going to come out well with the real estate transaction. I know we're going to find a house for much less than we're approved for, so I won't have to worry about getting into a bad area. The stressful thing is that I've never had to be involved in a move this big -- do we sell the appliances, include them in the price of the sale, or move them? Is it better to move everything we have or try and sell as much as possible (looks like I'll be having the garage sale of the century if anyone is in the LA area)? Do I fly or drive the dogs? Ahhhhh.....the questions are too many.....

To top it all off, I met with my ortho before we left. He couldn't find my ACL on the MRI, and I'm guessing that's not a good thing. He has me in a full on brace and going to PT 2 times a week for 4 weeks. It does look like he's going to recommend reconstructive surgery, which is only adding to everything else that's going on.

Overall, I'm excited and scared, worried and relieved, stressed and happy.

6 Degrees of Separation

Who knows what faboulous path one might traverse when meandering through the World Wide Web.

I started out at CNN and read about Metroblogging. As I was reading the posts, I came across a LA Meme I thought would be cool to check out. So I clicked the link, and at the top of the new site was MY SITE!! Holy smokes....kinda cool and scary at the same time.

I did find the Friday Meme so I figure I should fill it out, even though it's not Friday:

1. Where is the last place you ate out? Hate to say it, but TGI Friday's on the way back from Del Mar racetrack.
2. How often do you eat out? If I'm being good, 1 time a week as a treat. If I'm being bad, probably 2-4 times a week.
3. Where is the place you eat most? Fast food - El Pollo Loco or for Take Out - Paco's Tacos
4. Where do you tell your friends that they “have to try”? For a fun, beach scene - Baja Cantina. For a romantic dinner - Crustacean
5. What dish do they have to order when they get there? At the Baja - margaritas! At Crusteacean - Prawns from the Secret Kitchen with garlic noodles.
6. Where do you eat when money is not a concern? Wine Cask in Santa Barbara, Cafe Del Rey in Marina Del Rey
7. Where do you eat when money is tight? I cook a lot, but In-and-Out Burgers is cheap and close by
8. What restaurant have you wanted to try but haven’t been to yet? L'Orangerie, The Apple Pan, The French Laundry

I will be leaving at the crack of dawn tomorrow for Minneapolis and won't be back until late Thursday. I'm not taking the laptop for such a short trip, but promise to update if I can while I'm on the road. Otherwise, check back Friday for a news update.

My Dinner With Superman

Yep, you read that right -- I had dinner with .
OK, not exactly dinner together, but he was at the same restaurant we were on Saturday. He actually sat right behind me. It's probably a good thing he didn't sit where I could see him -- he would have thought I was a stalker. Great dinner by the way -- if you're ever in Santa Monica, it's right off of PCH on Channel West -- it's called Caffe Delfini. I had veal with sauteed mushrooms, veggies and the best roasted potatoes I think I've ever had.

Anyway, the rest of the weekend was spent totally eating off plan. As I continued to internalize the stress/excitement of what's going on, I felt the need for comfort food, so I made wild mushroom risotto, which really was tasty. Bottom line -- I held steady for the week. I'm OK with that, and know I just have to try harder this week.

I actually spent Sunday going to local Open Houses to see what the market is like out there. It's been very hot in our neighborhood, although it's cooled off a bit. There was sticker shock, that's for sure. A 1200 sq. foot 2 bed/1 bath house about 1 block away with NO extras (old stove, no landscaping, no porch or deck) is asking $600,000. Another house, with a lot of nice extras and some major remodeling, but still 1200 sq. feet (and on a smaller lot than what we're on) is asking $749,000. Holy crap. Our house is 1550 sq. feet on a 6000 sq. foot lot. We have a covered front porch that runs the length of the house, a large redwood deck, a "plain" grassy area which is large enough for a small pool, an enclosed dog run, 3 bedrooms/2 baths, living room, dining room, separate laundry room, a good-sized kitchen with a built in eating alcove, a detached 2-car garage and a white picket fence. It's nicely landscaped and it has a huge potential for an addition -- either in the back or a second story. What's amazing, from the research I've done on-line, we could get a 4 bedroom/3 bath 3000 sq. foot house in Minneapolis for what we bought our house for 3 years ago. I'm stunned -- just stunned.

Don flies out Wednesday, and I'm going with him. I've never been, so this will give me the chance to see the city and check out some neighborhoods. The other good thing is that, even though AMEX is there, another "mega" agency, Carlson Travel, is there and they are hiring (unlike AMEX), so I can have a back-up plan. And, with 520 stores and 50 restaurants, I think I could find a job here. Of course, my paycheck would be spent there as well....

Breaking News

I have put off writing about this for about a week and a half, partly because I didn't want to jinx it, partly becasue I wasn't sure how I felt about it.....Don is flying to Minneapolis next week for what seems like a final interview at the St. Paul Pioneer Press for the Vikings beat writer.

To give you a little background, Don used to be the beat writer for the L.A. Rams at the Orange County Register when they were playing in Anaheim. He left there and has worked at Fox Sports Net, the NFL and now is at FoxSports.com. He's wanted to get back into the newspaper business for awhile, but the jobs are few and far between and there is some politics when it comes to filling open positions -- the leaving writer may suggest someone, the paper needs to make it a minority hire or they want someone who can do it for half of what an experienced newman would ask. The closest he got was about 6 years ago, right before our wedding, when he was offered a job covering the Green Bay Packers for the Appleton newspaper. Because of timing, he opted not to take that one, but there have been others -- Denver, Kanas City, Cleveland, etc. This is a great opportunity -- it's a competitive market, the Vikings are big news there and they are a team that is mentioned when they discuss teams moving to L.A. Of couse, this would mean moving to Minnesota.....

To be perfectly honest, I'm scared shitless. I don't know anyone there. I've never lived in a true winter town (I did live for a year in Ottawa and 3 years in New York, but completely different). My family is here. My job is here. My home is here. Despite all of this, I am excited. I love to move -- I know, I'm weird. I love new adventures and exploring new places. I'm also feeling overwhelmed. If he does get hired, he'd have to move pretty quickly -- probably by 9/1 since the season starts the following week. With everything that is going on with my job -- the reorganization, the hiring "pause," etc. -- I probably couldn't move before the end of the year. More than likely, I would have to wait until the end of the season before I could join him. The good news is that AMEX has a decent presence there both in travel and card. If they complete the reorg by 9/1 (like they are supposed to) and I can get my agents and clients settled and they lift the hiring "pause"
I could probably get a job with AMEX, meaning my benefits and retirement would stay status quo. My salary would take a hit just because of the region, but I could deal with that (I think -- to be honest, I've worked hard to get to my salary level and it would be a bit of an ego blow to take a $10,000 or $15,000 pay cut).

So, we'd be apart 6 months. That would be hard. Don is worried that he'd be leaving me with the house, the upkeep, the bills, the chores and the dogs to deal with all by myself. I, of couse, think that I could handle is just fine. I mean, we do have a gardner who trims the lawn once a week and I have someone who cleans the house twice a month. I'm more worried that I'd be lonely and bored -- and I'd miss him like crazy.

Anyway, nothing is for sure yet. We should hear something Thursday or Friday of next week. Until then, I can only go through all the scenerios in my head, thinking of all the things that would need to be done -- sell old house, buy new house, find new job, move half way across country....and I'm sure that's just the beginning.

All About the Food

As suspected, I have some pretty significant injuries to my knee. The lesser one is a bone bruise, which is really a small fracture. They really can't do anything for that other than rest. The more troubling one is what looks like a partial tear to the ACL. My doctor wants me to get a second opinion from an orthopedic surgeon, so I'm scheduled Tuesday afternoon so I can get a final diagnosis. What my doctor really wants is me to spend the next 2 weeks on crutches and see if it heals on it's own. I think I can wait to see what the OS says before I invest in crutches.

Having said that, and knowing that my cardio is going to be limited, I have got to buckle down with the foods. I saw my nutritionist last night and we're keeping me on a pretty similar plan to what I'm on now, with alternating snacks to include more fruit. I also do not have to have fish every night -- thank goodness for that. I still have to have lean pieces of meat -- skinless chicken, turkey breast, etc. but I can deal with that. And, with my handy George Foreman grill, it's oh-so-easy.

I do have to say my energy level is much better when I'm eating on plan. I don't have the highs and lows that can accompany dieting/binging. I also think that, even though I know exercise is a huge part of weight loss, if I can take this "down" time to really focus on my foods, by the time I'm given the go-ahead to workout I will have the food thing down pat.

I am supposed to have tomorrow off, but I'm thinking I may come in and reschedule. I do have a lot to do, but I would love a day off. I did call in sick on Tuesday (damn summer cold) so I'm not sure if it would be kosher for me to take a second day this week. But I really need a manicure and pedicure.....

Bumpy Road

I don't know why weekends are the hardest for me to stay on plan. I totally thought I had Saturday planned out -- eating my first 3 meals (at least the first two) and drinking moderately at the races. I did keep my drinking within my limits (about the equivalent to 3 beers), but I didn't eat all day until about 4:30 when Don and I shared a bag of kettle corn (we only ate about half the bag, but it was a large bag). We then went to TGI Friday's where I thought I could easily choose my dinner, but I ended up having a minor panic attack. I think it was a combination of spending so much time in traffic (it usually takes about 2 hours from our house to downtown San Diego, and it took 3 hours to get just to Del Mar!!), the crowd at the races, the fact my knee and legs hurt and not having eaten almost all day.

Yesterday was just as bad -- I didn't eat breakfast until about 11:00 and then didn't eat anything else until about 7:00. And I know that not eating just messes with my metabolism.

Anyway, despite all the not eating on plan I did, I am down a total of 5.5 pounds for the week and 11.2 pounds since 7/26. I would really like to see the other side of 300 by my birthday on 9/5, which is 4 weeks away. I know it's an aggressive goal of about 4.5 pounds per week, but I think I could do it. I finally got around to doing my measurements yesterday. I wish I had done it last weekend, but I still think I can track my goals. I also had Don do some (hopefully) before photos. They were a real eye-opener, that's for sure. I am not going to post those, at least not until I can post some after ones!

The good news is that I did walk a ton on Saturday. We did a 1.5 mile walk with the dogs before going to the races and then we walked what seemed to be at least 2 miles once we got to the track. My knee and legs were sore, but they held up. I didn't do much yesterday, but I have a new exercise band I want to try this week.

I'm still waiting for my MRI results, which I hope I hear from my doctor today. If they want to do something, I'd rather have it done sooner than later. I also want to properly plan my foods since it looks like the majority of the weight loss is going to come from reducing calories rather than cardio exercise. At least I can still go to the gym and do weights, even if it's only upper body for right now.

It's progress, and that's all I'm asking....

Proposal Friday

I enjoyed reading about Dazed's proposal so much, I thought I would post mine.

Don and I had been discussing marriage for some time, but he wasn't ready to propose yet -- he wanted a better job. It was getting to the point where I thought, "Maybe Glamour was right -- most men think why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" But my birthday was a few days off and then there would be Christmas. I had decided that if he hadn't proposed by the end of the year (1998), I was going to have to talk to him about it.

So, it's September 1, 1998. Don and I were going to meet some friends at the Baja Cantina after work. My last appointment of the day was running late (Shannon from British Air -- I will always remember that), thus making me late in hooking up with my friends. I hated to be late because Kristi used to rag on me when I kept her waiting (dysfunctional friendship -- long story for another day), so I rushed into the apartment to get Don. He had to brush his hair before we left, and as he went into the bedroom said, "Oh, a package came for you from my sister. It must be your birthday gift." As I said in #32 of 100+ Things About Me, I cannot let an unopened package remain so. I figured while he brushed his hair, I could at least peek at it, even if my birthday wasn't until the 5th. I also thought I knew what it was -- his sister's famous caramel corn. Yum! I opened the box not paying too much attention to the address or return address or to the packaging. All I saw was a tupperware full of caramel corn.

Don had come out of the bathroom by then and was in the living room while I was still in the kitchen. I opened the tupperware to grab a handful of sweets and saw a card. I thought it was kind of a weird place to have put the card, but whatever. I opened the card, and it was in Don's handwriting. I walked into the living room reading the card and Don was pulling out red roses and a bottle of Champange. In the card, he asked me to be his wife. I was stunned. He had to point out that the ring was still in the tupperware of caramel corn, I was so surprised.

He had made me speechless. I remember saying, "You sent the ring to your sister in Cleveland and had her mail it?" No, silly goose, Don had taken a box, put postage on it from something his mom sent him, disguised his handwriting on the address, used a September 1 USA Today (good thing I didn't pay that much attention to the packing material) and hid the ring in some Fiddle Faddle.

Needless to say, we didn't go meet our friends. I immediately called my mom and told her. I then called my dad, who wasn't home, but Dean answered. I was making casual conversation with him and he asked, "How is that boyfriend of yours?" and I said, "Well, he's not my boyfriend anymore." Stunned silence on the other end. Before he could say anything else, I said, "He's my fiance!" Of course, when my dad got home, Dean pulled the same prank on him.

The one thing I joke about is he never actually said, "Will you marry me?" He jokes that I never said yes. My response, I acted yes!

Anyway, that's my story.....

As far as foods -- still on plan. Today would have been a roadblock in the past with my mid-day doctor's appointment throwing my schedule into chaos, thus allowing me to have a reason to go off plan. But, no....I packed my breakfast, morning snack and lunch. I should be home in time for my afternoon snack. The only deviation was I forgot to make my special dressing, and we didn't have any fat free in the house, so I am using some on my two salads today I measured the amount, and it's actually half of a serving, so not too much damage. I continue to maintain my 1.4 pound per day loss, and will probably keep this up until next Wednesday.

Tomorrow will be a challenge -- Beerfest at the races, but I'm prepared for it, and will be eating on plan for breakfast and my morning snack.

Hey, I can't be perfect 100% of the time!

Is There Anything Worse....

....than a summer cold? OK, I know there are worse things, but when you are sitting at work with a stuffed up nose, it just doesn't seem like there is.

I only have two more mid-year reviews to present. As a typical procrastinator, they will be done tomorrow. At least I have easy ones. There are some leaders who really struggle with their staffs.

Also tomorrow, at 1:30, I have an MRI. At least I'll know how serious it is. Of course, it feels great today and I seem to have regained most of my flexibility. I guess the upshot is that if they don't find anything I can quit making excuses about not doing my cardio.

Food have been right on, so I'm pretty proud of that. I did discuss this food plan with my nutritionist and he's OK with it on a 2 week maximum basis. I had planned on doing this through 8/15, but I'm really starting to hate tuna and dread my meals. However, on a mid-week weight check (awww....who am I kidding, I've been weighing myself every morning. Complusive? A bit.) I am down 4.2 pounds, meaning since 7/26, I am down 10 pounds. Of course, I get all excited and figure that if I can lost 9.8 pounds in 7 days, that would mean I would lose 19.6 pounds in two weeks! Unfortunately, that's not how this works. I have to check in with Phil on Monday and let him know what my 7 day loss is and then we are going to add foods to slow it down. I am being good about recording everything in to Fit Day that I am putting in my mouth. So far the only deviation was a teaspoon of teriakyi sauce over my fish last night.

The down side of this is I am starting to feel tired, and I'm not sure if that is because of the cold or the diet. Regardless, I plan on eating as much as I can on plan on Saturday, but still emjoying myself, even if that does mean a few beers.

Food = Fuel

I got to thinking, after reading Losing The Cow, that this food thing should not be that hard. Bottom line, fewer calories + more movement = weight loss. There are a few things to add to the equation, such as what kind calories one needs. Some process protein better than carbs. Some need carbs because they are hypoglycemic. There is a plethora of books and free information to help you figure out how your body processes food.

OK, so I can get my mind wrapped around that concept. I can even understand why too few calories can cause you to not lose weight. This is where my logical mind is overcome by my emotional mind. See, I've been eating on plan EXACTLY for 3 days. I'm not finding myself physically hungry -- in fact, I'm having a hard time keeping up with all my meals I'm supposed to be eating, and I'm actually not having the last optional meal. I haven't added olive oil, butter or salt to any of my cooking. I've actually eaten fish for 2 nights in a row, and have enough fish thru Sunday. I've come up with a pretty great dressing substitute (worked wonderful on asparagus last night). I've seen about a 2 1/2 pound loss since Monday morning. In a nutshell, I should be sated.

What gets me is thinking to myself, "Boy, does a hamburger sound good now." Hamburgers aren't on my plan. I'm not that hungry. So why is my cotton-picking mind thinking about hamburgers? How the heck did emotions get entwined with the physiology of fueling your body?

We think food helps our stress level, when all we do is stress out after we've eaten about how fat we've become. Food is supposed to comfort us, when actually we are getting more uncomfortable in our bodies. Food does not make us happy, it can actually make us sad. We eat when we're lonely, thinking that food is our only friend, yet it's the food that's keeping us locked inside.

Food's only job is to give fuel to our body so we can live. It's not there to comfort, relieve stress, make us happy or alleviate our loneliness. Food will not make us loved.

This is what I have to focus on -- food as fuel, not as a security blanket.

Having said that, I did talk to my doctor, and she does want an MRI done. She does think it sounds like a tear, and if I don't get it repaired (i.e., surgery) it's only going to get worse. I'm not sure what the recovery will be, and how that will affect my exercise (kinda hard to get an effective walking routine in place with one working leg, and I don't think limping burns as many calories).

But I have a new way of thinking about this physical set back. Instead of thinking, "Well, if I can't exercise, my weight loss program will be getting nowhere, so why eat on plan?" It's now, "If I have to have surgery, and go through a long period of physical therapy, it's more important than ever to watch what I am putting in my body to ensure I am processing the food as efficiently as possible with little or no activity."

See, positive changes all around.

Is Tuesday the New Monday?

I'm not sure how I'm feeling today. I didn't sleep well -- weird, intense dreams. Don said I was even whimpering in my sleep. I woke up when Don got home at midnight and I was covered in sweat. Obviously something on my mind -- too bad I don't remember what I dreamt about (usually I do -- in vivid detail).

I came into work and forgot I was supposed to arrange coverage for the 7:00 shift, voicemail is still down (now going into the third day), I had a 9:30 conference call, my mid-year review at 11:00, I have to present at least one mid-year today, plus the other leader is out of the office for the next 3 days and I am trying to catch up on her stuff as well (customer service issues, accounting issues). I truly want to cry.

This weekend should be fun, though. It's my friend Patty's birthday and we're going to Del Mar Racetrack in San Diego. They are having a concert and a micro-beer festival, so that will add a little spice. Patty is moving in with her boyfriend next week, and I think that, coupled with some work shit, is stressing her out a bit. Hopefully, we'll taste some good beer and win some money on the ponies. I'm not much of a gambler, and I do pick horses based on their silk colors or names. I figure $50.00 is a good amount to play with.

My main goal this week is just to make it through without pulling my hair out or taking Don and the dogs and running away.

Down 7 Pounds!

Thought that might get your attention. I am, seriously, down 7 pounds from last Monday, but the reason why you didn't hear my shouts of jubilation is because I know it's all water weight. Which is a bit of a bummer, however it's still nice to see the scale go down.

Do people understand that we are in an election year, and one that's going to be highly contentious? CNN did a poll after the DNC. Here are the stats on those they surveyed:

Of the 1,011 adult Americans interviewed, 916 identified themselves as registered voters and 763 said they were likely voters.

What are the 153 people who are registered voters but not "likely" voters thinking? People who don't vote and then complain about politics really gall me. I try my best to stay informed. I take voting very seriously. No, I don't vote in every little election (School Board, for example), but I vote in presidential down to mayoral. We all know this race is going to be close. And we all saw that votes DO count (unless you live in Florida). So, to those 153 people who are registered to vote, but do not consider themselves likely voters, get off your duff and take advanatge of this great right we have.

OK, off my soap box now.....

So the new eating plan kicked in this morning. It seems to be OK so far. I'm not falling down starving, but I do look forward to my next meal. I've been eating all my foods and actually came up with a killer fat free dressing:

Dijon mustard
Balsamic vinegar
Champange vinegar
Cracked black pepper
Dried basil
Crushed garlic
1 packet of Equal
Lemon juice

I don't know how much of each I used, but it came out darn tasty -- kind of tangy and a hint of sweet. It's great over my tuna and salad.

No real cravings either, despite two dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts hanging out on the front file cabinet. Also, it's been a bit of a stressful day -- my co-leader in the office called me on Friday to let me know the phone system went down, so I came into the office at 6:00 AM to reboot the system. Part of it came up, but the voicemail is toast. We have to wait for a part and hopefully it will get fixed tomorrow. I've been running around, trying to help the agents, advising clients, plus playing secretary to our VIP agents (they can forward their phone to me when they go to lunch). The good news is that I plan on getting out of here by 4:00 PM at the latest -- plenty of time to go home and do my walk.