Counting Sheep

Once again, I am up at an ungodly hour. Why is my brain so active at 3:00 AM when I should be sleeping?

One of my goals for May is not to work more than 50 hours a week. How sad is that? I am giving up my time to work in exchange for less time with my family, less time at the gym (ugg - nothing like paying $50 a month for nothing more than the honor of holding a gym card), less time doing things I love - especially now that the weather has decided to play nice.

My typical day starts at 5:30 AM when the alarm goes off. I try to be on the road by 6:15 AM, which means I am at my desk with my computer revved up by 7:00 AM. I usually have back-to-back (to back) meetings from 8:00 AM until 4:00 PM. I don't get out of the office until close to 5:30 PM (on a good day - some days, it's closer to 6:30 PM or later). I get home after 6:00 PM and then it's cook and eat dinner, try to catch up on some TiVO'd shows, spend some time with Don & the dogs. I "retire" between 8:00 - 9:00 to read before bed before "falling asleep" by 10:00 PM. I don't seem to have an issue with starting to sleep, but I have been getting up between 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM and not being able to fall back to sleep until close to 5:00 AM. By then, I am a mess - who can only get by with a few hours of sleep? If that happens, I end up drinking 40+ ounces of coffee and maybe a Diet Coke or energy drink just to try and get me through the day.

In the end, I find myself drifting off during meetings (especially if the room is warm) or just being grumpy with my staff.

I am not eating on a regular pattern, which I know contributes to the overall feeling of yuckiness.

My main goal is to try and actually get a full night's sleep. I hope to get that this weekend with some major spring cleaning, a trip (or two) to the gym and just the relief of knowing that a lot of what's on my plate is going to go away now that I have a boss to take on some of this work. Granted, that won't turn my mind off but, maybe, that will help.

Off to try and get a few more winks before the dreaded alarm goes off in 90 minutes.

Under Construction

I have a fix for my blog, but it won't be in place until 3/10, so bear with me....

As an update, life is throwing me under the bus - broken ribs (long story) and work. My boss left for his new job outside the company 2 weeks ago and a lot of his responsibility fell to me. I am working longer hours - up to 12 hours a day plus weekends. I am up every morning around 3 AM with my mind on hyper-speed. What did I miss? How can I solve for this? What amazing solutions do I have? How am I going to lead my team through this change?

I need a day off - and not just a weekend where I am running around doing house upkeep to basic clean-up and errands. My mind is a whirlwind and I pulling my hair out! If it wasn't for my brother, I would have missed my dad's 17th anniversary with Dean. I am so self-absorbed with just getting through my own day, I forget everything else.

Granted, once they hire a new Director to insulate me, it will be better, but there is the option of me moving into that role, which only muddles the picture. Part of me wants the challenge of being the Director, Workforce Planning & Analytics - fewer direct reports; I can delegate a lot of what I am doing to the new me. But, I would be in a more vital role and have a lot more to answer for.

I am at a crossroads in my life. There will be trade-offs, and I don't know if I'm willing to make those right now. Part of me just wants to be the player behind the scene, but a bigger part of me wants to be a player - despite what that would mean to me work-life balance. Do I want a higher stressed job that may take me away from my family? Do I want to "train" a new director when I know I could do his/her job better - even at the cost of my own happiness?

I don't like feeling like I need to work 10+ hours per day and then going home to drink myself silly to cope. I can't eat - with the surgery - so my stress ends up being a reason to drink. I just want to be normal.
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Work Drama!

This was a bell-weather week for us as far as tax season ramping up, less staffing, call volumes coming in where we didn't expect, etc. We got through it fairly well, and that should mean we can get through April without too many ugly days.

However, my boss dropped a bombshell on Wednesday when he told us he was leaving for another company next month. Many on my staff, as well as several other leaders, have asked if I am going to take his position. There is a lot about the job that is tempting, however there are a lot of challenges that I don't know if I want to take on right now. There would be less people-leading - I'd only have 3 direct reports versus the 9 I have now. There would be a lot more strategy, planning, budgets, etc. Plus, I don't know how I really feel about reporting to the Senior VP. She's great, but a little hard to read, and I don't know if she likes me. I've had some weird interactions with her, and I'd be worried about my success under her. Anyway, a lot to think about...

Of course, what I'm really looking forward to is my upcoming trip to Phoenix! It's actually going to be WARM - and not this "warm" Minnesota-style of 30+ degrees. I mean, how sad is it when we get excited about anything above 32? At this point I don't even mind snowy days as long as the morning temps are above -17. The wind chill is bitter - it's gotten to -40 in the last few days. There's a part of me that wonders if I will ever be warm again. Heck, I even have a shawl at work to help me stay warm. One person on my staff has a blanket! It's not like the office temps are that bad, but once you get a chill it's hard to get rid of.

My broken finger is healing slowly. I don't have to wear the splint but the nail is still looking U-G-L-Y. I have a hard time typing, and I am afraid of losing the nail. Part of me just wants to remove the nail so the nail bed can heal, but the idea of pulling off the nail is almost too painful to think about. I have "fake" nails and have for years and it seems that the acrylic is actually helping the nail stay stable. I don't know what's going to happen as the nail tries to grow over the gash. I just want to have good-looking hands again!

On the weight front, I am happy to say I am maintaining at 165. This is huge for me because I am eating more but still able to stay within my range. I know the trip will be a challenge just because of the eating out, but I think I can handle it by watching my portions and staying protein-focused.

I should be able to post more since I will have more time once I'm on the road. Time to think, time to ponder my career path, time to catch up with all of you, time to spend with Don.

Back to the Grind

Ugh - work has been killer, and it's affected my posting and reading of blogs! Damn, that job.

Anyway, life is actually pretty good. I am tired - not getting enough sleep for some reason or another. I am back into the work routine - up at 5:45 AM, at work by 7:00, home (maybe) by 6:00, dinner, some TV, maybe a few chapters of reading, to bed by 9:30, repeat. Don is on a bit of a hiatus while the NFL playoffs happen, although he'll be off to Phoenix on 1/26 for 10 days to cover the Super Bowl. I will join him on 1/31 for 5 days, so I still have to make reservations for the dogs at a kennel and figure out what to pack!! I am still hoping for a Cowboy/Colts game, but we will see.

Work is really busy - my first 3 days back I logged over 30 hours, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any easier. I haven't been sleeping well - mostly because I wake up sweating, even though it's 60 degrees in our bedroom. I figure if I can get a few nights' good sleep, it will solve everything. I need at least two huge mugs of coffee to wake me up.

This weekend should be a bit of a break with no real commitments. There are errands and chores, but we can do that together. We'll have time to to do something with the dogs and I will be able to get into the gym - at least for an aqua aerobics class.

Nothing like getting back into the movement to, well, actually, move forward...

Still Flying High

What a great response from my last post! I am still feeling a high from having the light bulb go off. Even people at work have noticed this new glow about me. I am allowing myself to feel the highs and lows of day-to-day life. If I'm pissed, stressed, giddy, excited, confused I am letting myself vet those emotions out. It's so much better than holding them in.

Work is going crazy. We're going through some staff changes, which makes my job much more complicated as we need to not only plan for next week, but we're starting to plan for early next year. Luckily, my staff is not impacted directly, but we still have to lad through some of the upcoming changes.

Many asked about my new laptop - I chose the most basic MacBook. I had a pretty fancy iBook previously, but it had a lot more bells and whistles than I ever used. I do love my Mac! I haven't played with all the new functions, but the crack staff at the Apple Store was able to move my iTunes and iPhotos over, which was my biggest concern.

Don is off to Green Bay this weekend for the game. He's not leaving until late Saturday night, so it's nice we'll have pretty much the whole day. We have an appointment at the vet for the dogs' yearly shots, and I'm sure we'll take them for a hike, weather permitting. I do need a pedicure, so I'll do that Sunday, plus I'm working out my Thanksgiving menu and what I can buy in advance. I'm sure much to Don's (waist) chagrin, I am planning on making a big batch of my family-famous Chex Mix so I can ship some back to California.

Tomorrow will be an odd day for me - we are testing our Business Continuation Plan in case our office was ever not accessible. I've never been a part of it before, so this will be all new for me. After that, we have our Employee Club's annual Turkey Bingo night. I went for the first time last year and had a blast, even if I didn't win a thing. It's at a local supper club, so we all have dinner first and then play about 2 hours of Bingo. I think I only played 2 cards last year, but I think I might be up to 4 this year. Some people can play 10 cards! I don't think I'm that adept yet, but plan on having a fun time.

It's dinnertime - leftovers - but I made a killer dinner last night. I took 4 (huge - from CostCo) skinless/boneless chicken breasts and stuffed them with cooked couscous with lemon juice, lemon zest, toasted pine nuts/almonds and green onions. They were cooked on the stove top and, once browned on both sides, steamed with a little chicken stock. I served the chicken breasts with a mix of steamed baby carrots and peas. Yum!

Can I tell you I'm so not ready for the cold weather?

Stormy Sunday

The weather is playing a number on us again here in Minneapolis. Last weekend, it was hot and humid, then we hit a high of 56, then it was back into the upper 70s and for the last 2 days it's been cool and rainy. It's supposed to rain off and on (more on than off) today, which is fine by me.

OK, to play a little catch up - last weekend I went to the Renaissance Festival and had a ton of fun. I had my palms read, and she was pretty right on. She told me that my job is secure, but I will be giving up some responsibilities and taking on new ones. She saw some domestic travel for Don and me, and an international cruise within 2 years. I saw her last year, and she said the same thing this year - I should be using my creativity to earn a living, and I should spend more time writing and practicing my photography. Besides that, my friend talked me into buying a full-on Ren Fest outfit - tiered skirt, flouncy blouse and a corset.

The last week I did a "back to basic" WLS diet where I really focused on the protein and the rules of the pouch (no drinking 30 minutes prior or after a meal, 15 minutes to eat, etc.). I lost 5.5 pounds and feel better - I am able to better identify head hunger vs. real hunger and I know when to stop eating. Once you're 2 years post-op, it's easy to slide back into bad habits - snacking, grazing, stress eating, etc.

We're doing some upgrades at Casa Seeholzer this week - we're finally upgrading to a HD dish on Tuesday. And on Saturday, we're getting new carpet for the downstairs (den, living room, dining room). That will be a bit of a pain because, although they will move the furniture, we have to store all the knick-knacks and empty the china hutch. I started on that this morning, but there is still a lot to do. Last weekend we cleared off the one big bookshelf in the den since that's about to fall over. We'll have to get a replacement (IKEA, anyone?), but it was about time. Our carpet is a very light cream, which is not a good choice with 2 dogs and Minnesota winters (and springs and falls!). We're getting a honey-colored carpet in the den and a subtle multi-colored carpet in the living/dining room. I think it will look great, and it will be so much easier to keep looking clean. We opted not to do the upstairs at this time since the only room we really use is the bedroom, and it didn't make sense to re-carpet 4 bedrooms, the hall and the stairway.

On top of all that, we're trading in our current Honda CRV for a new CRV this week. Our lease is up, and we just love our Hondas. Don picked a pretty dark blue, and I can't wait to see it! I am enjoying my Civic, but I know once the snow comes, I will be driving the CRV to work.

Work is really busy, and there doesn't look like there will be any break until next year, so I have to keep my nose to the grindstone. I have 2 huge projects on my plate, both of which will change how we do business. It's exciting, but daunting at the same time. My boss has hinted at some pretty major changes for me, but I'm feeling up to the challenge. I'm glad to be a part of something so big and so new. It won't be easy, and I know there will be some pretty stressful moments but the overall payoff is going to be huge.

I really am going to try and get better about updating and checking in on everyone. It's been hard with 10-hour workdays, but I need to make time for this.

A Week From Hell

Ugh - work is totally getting me worked up. In a lot of ways, it's exciting to see us move in such a progressive direction, but there is so much work to do in moving in a new direction and a lot of it is on my department's plate. I have so many projects going on, something is going to get lost and I feel so responsible for the success of each and every initiative. If every one comes off as a win, me and my team will look like heroes, but if any fail it will come right back in my lap.

Having said that, I really feel empowered to make huge decisions with the support of my boss. I have to bring my A-game each and every day, which can get exhausting. I get pulled in so many directions over the course of a day that there are times when I feel like I don't get anything accomplished. On top of that, the stress I feel is spread out to my fellow leaders and our office can look like a scene from "The Walking Dead." The next 3 months is going to be very important for me, and we will either sink or float. Whatever happens, how we do business is going to change radically and having to manage a staff through this will have its own challenges.

So, what does that mean for me? I need to get and stay healthy - emotionally and physically. I need to be brutally honest with my boss when things get to be too much, and let him know when he makes decisions that affects me and my staff in a negative way. I can't absorb it all and put everything on my shoulders. I need his approval for me to say no when it's getting too much without worrying about how it's going to affect the perception of me or my career. I need to be able to make time for appropriate outlets - working out, yoga, meditation. I need to fuel my body with healthy nutrition. When I get stressed, I want the quick "feel good" solution, which is often crap (chocolate, chips, wine etc.). With everything coming up, I can't afford to be sick and I need to give my body good alternatives to operate at my own peak performance.

In addition, I need to make sure I am having open conversations with my support circle - Don, my family and my friends. At times, I know it becomes a "vomit of the mind" where I just dump all the negative energy I hold on to, and I don't want to burden them with this, but that's what friends are for! Seriously, I hold on to so many negative thoughts because I don't want to unburden myself but my spouting off about my stress shouldn't really be more than me talking and them agreeing with me...

I am so conditioned to make my life look so rosy and look at life as the glass half full. In reality, my life has its ups and downs and I just need to figure out how to live it like everyone else does.

OK, on to a more exciting topic - Minnesota weather! Last night, I was going to an after work function. While my friend, Lynn, and I sat at a corner bar, a huge storm moved in with tornado warnings, lightening, hail, driving rain. The storm sirens went off, and the bar workers were trying to figure out whether or not to evacuate everyone to the bar's basement! Don, at home, didn't know how bad it was because our satellite dish was knocked out. It was quite the event, but typical of this time of year. It's currently really, really windy but nice temp-wise. I just hope a really bad storm doesn't hit over the weekend when Don is in Kansas City.

This weekend is going to be busy but low-key for me. I have some personal, feel-good appointments tomorrow - waxing, haircut/color, and a mani/pedi. I might even see about working in a massage! Don is off to Kansas City to cover the game by himself since his co-worker's wife gave birth 2 weeks early. I have plans to go to the local Ren Fest on Sunday, which will be good to get out and about.

Off to get ready for Don's birthday dinner - 2 days early because he'll be on the road!!