My Apologies!

I know I haven't been posting, but I have good reason! My laptop died over the weekend and I ended up having to get a new one. It would have cost $100 less to fix the old one compared to getting a new one, so I opted to upgrade. One of the great things about going through Apple is that they will migrate all your old stuff to the new computer for free, which was great since I hadn't had a chance to back-up my iTunes or iPhotos. They even moved over my favorite bookmarks on the internet!

It's a smaller laptop, and the keyboard is a little different, but I think I can get used to it. I really only use my personal computer for web-surfing, e-mail, blogging and storing my iTunes, so I didn't need anything fancy, although it was tempting to go wild with the new bells and whistles they have, but the price wasn't worth it in the end. I'd rather save my money for a new iPod (hint, hint to those who are reading!).

One of the things I've been thinking about is getting back to my spirituality. I've let that go and relied on old crutches to get me through some tough times, which hasn't had the same results. On this day, October 31, is the Wiccan/Celtic New Year (Samhaim), also known as Halloween. There is a lot out on the Internet to describe the roots of this day, but here is what I have gotten out of it for this year:

We think of the year as a wheel or circle. In every year there is a cycle from light to dark and back to light: of growth, reproduction, dying off, and rebirth again. Any day of the year can be the first day of the rest of your life. And when you come around to the same point a year later, you can see how the intervening cycle of days has changed you, and how you have changed from what you were.

The agricultural implications of Samhain relate to dense matter, or the earthy, physical life/death processes of existence on this plane. But Samhain also has its relationship to our emotional/spiritual well-being, which is usually of greater emphasis to most modern Wiccans. This is a time for ridding ourselves of weaknesses, just as in thinning the herds when the older and weaker animals were slaughtered. Wiccans often bring a parchment to the sacred fire of Samhain on which is written those qualities they consider weaknesses. It is tied with a ribbon of the color of which has a specific meaning for the Witch. During the Samhain ritual the parchment is cast into the flames and the weaknesses burned away, the prayers rising to the Gods with the smoke.

At Samhain we Wiccans assess our spiritual growth. We examine the paths we have tread thus far and look ahead to determine which direction will further our development and unfoldment. This is very personal to each individual Witch, as no two paths, even among Witches, is exactly the same. The ritual generally allows a time of quiet for meditation and contemplation during which we look for direction to the Goddess/God Source and to our own intuitive higher selves.

Since the Veil between the worlds is thin at Samhain, it is also a time when communication between the living and their deceased ancestors becomes possible. This is a private and very emotional part of the Samhain ritual. We can, at this time, say those very important things we neglected to say when our loved ones were still with us. This is a stark lesson to us not to take life for granted, but to truly value those we love. We may re-avow our love to them, and in so doing perhaps ease their passing across the Veil. This is also a time to release any sense of loss, knowing that life is a circle, and that nothing and no one is ever truly lost.

And the Wheel turns, and turns again...

I am looking to this time to see what dead weight I can cut out of my life - internally and externally. What can I do to make myself stronger and better for the upcoming year? I compare it to a rose bush - to make it healthy and have it produce big, strong blooms, you need to prune the bush to the core at times, to make sure you have all the weak and diseased branches gone for the spring (rebirth) flowering. Now is a time for deep introspection and to find what makes one strong and healthy.

This will be a year of seeing things as they ARE not what they WERE. I need a lot of flexibility right now to do my job well, and to adapt to life as a "normal" person. I haven't allowed myself the comfort of just being. I have always tried to be something else - what I thought others wanted me to be.

Now I just AM.

This is me - excited, stressed; happy, sad; up, down; introspective, extroverted; hermit, socialite. I can be all of these, and none of these - all at the same time. I am not going to be your picture of perfection because I am too busy being me - whatever that may be at any time. I can no longer feel like I need to live my life for others - I need to live my life for me.

This is my mantra for moving forward, for a wheel is not a block. It moves continuously, not stopping unencumbered.

I am who I am.