A Tale of Two Karmas

Bad Karma and
Good Karma

Stalling

I'm a little disappointed with my weight loss this week - only down 3 pounds. I still have time to try and lose 6 pounds by next Wednesday (my offical weigh-in date) to reach my goal of 275 at my 2 month anniversary. I'm not sure why the little drop, but I will shake things up a bit - a little more cardio, more protein, more water - and see if that helps. The one trap I can't fall into, which is so tempting - is not eating at all.

Of course I know that it isn't all about the number on the scale. I only do my measurements on my month anniversary, so I'll take those - along with some new photos - on Monday. I'm sure that will tell a good story as well. I seem to be losing weight from my ends - my upper body and my lower legs. From my waist to my knees I think I'm about the same, although Don did tell me my butt looked smaller, but I think he just said that trying to get lucky...

After the snow in the photos melted on Sunday, we got about another 1 - 2 inches on Tuesday, which is still on the ground. Don was working from home yesterday but he was able to romp with the dogs for a bit. They just love snow. They love to chase each other, catch snowballs, dig up ice. The funny thing is that Jager doesn't like cold and she doesn't like being wet. Guess she doesn't equate snow with cold and wet.
Temps are in the teens in the morning and a little warmer in the afternoons. I'm lucky that I don't have to be out in it much - I park under our building at work and we have an attached garage at home. Even though the garage isn't heated, it stays warm enough to keep the cars running well.

Work is a bear. One of the admins who has been out 9 weeks is back today, so that will help lighten the load a bit. The other admin is returning next Monday, which means I see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard right now since I'm being pulled in about 9 different directions, and everything has a deadline of yesterday. Typical. I just do what I can do, which includes coming in early every day this week so far and staying late yesterday. Since I was really limited in when I could take time off this year, I have a ton left, so every Friday in December is a half day and I have the week between Christmas and New Year's off.

I'm wearing the shirt I wore at Thanksgiving (posted in the photo below)along with a new pair of boot cut slacks. I'm feeling pretty good in it, and that's the real measure of how successful this surgery has been.

Photo Post

Don at the Thanksgiving table


The hostess with the mostess


Our backyard at about 7:00 AM on Friday morning


Our backyard at about 3:00 PM on Friday afternoon - we ended up with about 3 inches of snow


One of our pine trees dusted in snow


The front yard


Looking down our street

N F W *

Today is the infamous Black Friday when all the crazy people go out at 4:00 AM to wait in a 2 hour line to save $10.00 (maybe) on a flat screen TV or the toy of the moment. Where was I at 4:00 AM? Cozy in bed. Heck, I was in bed until 6:45 AM when the dogs decided they needed a trip outside.

Usually we can get them back into bed but the snow that was supposed to come this afternoon arrived at 5:00 AM. We probably have close to an inch of accumulation on the deck and on the drive. The dogs love it. They will especially love when the neighbor kids come out to play. It's coming down softly and it's amazing how it muffles all noise. I don't think we'll have enough to snowblow, but Don's supposed to be home early and he said he'd shovel the driveway.

I went to see my regular doctor this morning to re-evaluate my blood pressure medicine. She's going to keep me on it but I will be decreasing the dosage shortly in preparation of weaning myself off the med altogether. I'm excited about that. This afternoon I will go to Let's Dish to make some meals (other than leftover turkey) for our busy December. I have some Mexican Chicken soup defrosting for tomorrow, which will be perfect in this weather.

Thanksgiving dinner went well. I set out the good china and served turkey, sage stuffing, bleu cheese mashed potatoes, green beans almondine, cranberry sauce, gravy and rolls. I had a taste of everything - and when I say taste I mean taste. Two ounces of turkey, 1 tablespoon each of potatoes and stuffing, 6 green beans and an edge of a roll. Everything could have fit on my salad plate. The nice thing is that I didn't feel denied anything; I felt satisfied and not stuffed. I even had a tiny piece (like pinkie finger width) of pumpkin pie. Depite having more types of food and more carbs than I've had since before surgery, I still lost weight this morning.

Other than going to Let's Dish, my afternoon will be relaxing in my newly cleaned house (thanks, Molly Maids!) and catching up on my reading. As I was organizing some bookshelves, I gathered all of my unread books to put in one spot. I was a little surprised to see I have 50 (yes, 50) books I've purchased but haven't read. No more books until all of those (OK, the majority) are finished. I'm not the Shannin Memorial Library.

For those out facing down crowds searching for the deal of the century, hope you all find close parking spots. For me, NFW. (* no fucking way).

Giving Thanks

More than any year, I feel I have so much to give thanks for. In no particular order...

I am thankful this surgery. I am starting to get my life and my health back. I finally feel like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am thankful for my family. We don't have family drama, despite the fact my parents are divorced. I love the fact that their partners are truly part of out family. Mom and Deb, Dad and Dean have been such a huge support system for me, especially the last few months. The saddest part of today is that I won't be with them.

I am thankful for my in-laws. The have welcomed me into their family, and have also provided great support over the last few months. My mother-in-law, Lois, is a wonderful woman and I only wish we got to see them more frequently.

I am thankful for my friends - in California, here in Minnesota and those who read me on line. I feel very lucky that I have such a great circle of friends who have taken time out of their busy lives to offer words of encouragement.

I am thankful for my work. I have a great boss, and I am excited about my job. There are peaks and valleys, but I work with some great people. It provides a salary that allows us to live in a nice house in a safe neighborhood and enjoy some small luxuries.

I am thankful for my dogs. They make me laugh every day. They provide such deep and unconditional love. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face as they go through their routines - usually very animated and noisy. They are two of the best things in my life.

Finally, I am thankful for my husband. Don has been my pillar this year. He's helped me adjust to living in Minnesota. He stood by my side as I went through the decision to have this surgery. He tells me every day how much he loves me and how well I am doing. Although I ultimately decided to have this surgery for myself, it was also to improve my health so I could enjoy my marriage more. Having a long and healthy life with Don is so important to me. I'm just glad I now have the chance.

I am very blessed. And for that, I give my biggest thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving, all. May you have peace and love around you today.

Breakthrough

After 7 weeks of cramping from water, which limited my desire to drink water, I suddenly can drink normally. I don't know when it happened, but I really just noticed it yesterday - after I drank almost 3 full litres of water. I was amazed. For the first time since surgery I didn't feel a little dehydrated. It made such a difference being able to get my maximum water in. I think going to the gym helps since exercise obviously makes you thirsty and you have to drink. I still can't gulp or chug water, but I it no longer takes me an entire day to choke down 1 litre of water.

Today is supposed to be leg day at the gym, but with everything I have to do today it make be 30 minutes on the treadmill and I'll get legs in tomorrow. I had a great workout yesterday - 10 minute treadmill warm-up, chest, biceps and triceps. I love, love my Polar heart monitor. It helps me keep "in the zone" so I know when I'm burning fat and it tells me how many calories I'm burning. Even though I am weight lifting, I try and keep my heart rate up to also make it a cardio workout. That means lighter weights, less time between sets and more reps.

I did weigh myself this morning - I'm down to 284. That's 15% down from my highest weight. My goal in two weeks is 275, which would be down 61.6 pounds. If I can keep going, I might actually be below 250 when I go see my parents in January. They won't even recognize me. I continue to be amazed at how quickly this is going. And how easy it's been. Don't get me wrong - there have been challenges. But for the most part I have not had a hard time with this. I feel confident in picking the right foods and eating right for me. I don't have any serious cravings. I haven't dumped or thrown up. Sometimes I have to struggle with what's in my head - like wanting a beer with dinner on Friday night or having a "normal" Thanksgiving dinner. But I know I'll be satisfied with what I'm allowed - and I won't have to crash on the couch with sweatpants on after dinner.

Busy day for me - nail appointment, picking up Thanksgiving dinner, getting the car washed, setting the table, etc. And, believe it or not, I need to do some cleaning before Molly Maids gets here on Friday.

A hint for those who love Bath & Body - they have a new scent that is to die for. Brown sugar and fig. Yum, yum, yum. It's right up there with Black Raspberry Vanilla in my book.

The Scale Is My Friend

Hopped on the scale this morning (I know, whatever happened to weighing in once a week?) to see 285.8! I don't know why, but knowing that I've lost 50 pounds since 9/1 is just amazing to me. I'm down 36 pounds since surgery on 10/5. Just for comparison's sake, I went to lift a 34 pound box to get a picture of what I've lost. I don't think I could even walk from one end of our office floor to the other carrying that box. Add 15 pounds to it, and forget about it.

Really short week for me this week - just Monday! I will actually try and get out of here a bit early as well. I'll take my laptop home since I do have some work to do (year end review, for one!). Plus I can manage my e-mail so I don't come back to 500 unread e-mails.

Anyway, better get going on my time cards for the week so I can get that out of the way. My goal is to be out of here no later than 2:30.

Oh-So-Close

I was really hoping to see the scale read 286.6 this morning, which would give me a 50 pounds loss, but I am still a pound away. Probably tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. I'm so impatient! I know it's coming but I want even more instant gratification.

Don joined me at the gym yesterday. I got to try out my new Polar heart monitor, which helps me keep my heart rate steady even when I'm weight lifting. The nice thing is that some of the treadmills have Polar heart monitors built in so my heart rate is shown on the treadmill display. I'm trying to focus on heart rate so I can stay "in the zone" for fat burning as well as improving my cardio health. I really want to get off my blood pressure medication. I need to go see my PCP this week and see what she wants to do - continue on my current prescription, change the dosage or take me off it all together.

Besides the gym, we also took the dogs for a walk. I don't know how much cardio that would count for since it's kind of stop-and-go. When we're walking, it's a pretty good pace, but we don't call him Baja P. Seeholzer without reason. On a 1.5 mile walk, he usually stops 20 times to let the other neighborhood dogs he's been by. Jager isn't nearly as prolific, but she does like to stop and smell the roses - literally. Regardless, it's nice to get outside for some fresh air and it's good for them as well.

I have to work on Monday, and then I'm off for the rest of the week. It's going to be nice to have some time off. I don't have that much planned, so it will be mostly relaxing and getting things organized for the holidays. I do most of my shopping on line since I have to ship to California, so no fighting the crowds on Friday. I ordered Thanksgiving dinner from a local store. I wasn't up to cooking this year. I did get the entire meal, but a lot can be frozen for later. It's a lot of pressure off doing the the full-on day of cooking. I will miss some of the tradition, but I'll set a nice table, break out the good china and even use placemats.

Better get started on my morning. It's already 9:30 and I haven't even started the paper.

Reaching Milestones

I am now only 3.2 pounds away from reaching a 50 pounds loss and this morning I am officially less than 100 pounds away from my goal. In the six weeks since surgery, I've lost 32 pounds, or about 5.3 pounds per week. Sometimes I get frustrated when I don't see the scale move, but when I look at the big picture I can (kind of) see the progress I'm making.

It's funny how my mind and body are reacting to food. I was at the mall the other day and had not eaten lunch. In my mind, I gave myself permission to get some Chinese food, knowing full well I was only going to eat a bite or two. I walked through the food court and knew that there was nothing I felt safe eating yet. I ended up going home and eating what I knew I could have. Even when I was "dieting" I could always have a cheat day or meal. In fact, I often looked forward to one. Now, I really can't cheat and I don't have a desire to. It's the same with alcohol. I love a glass (or two) of wine, especially on a Friday night after work or if I had a shitty day. I've had a few of those days since surgery and I don't even think about having a drink. Hey, maybe this surgery also cures alcohol cravings...

Winter seems to have finally arrived today. It started to snow, not a light, gentle snow but a sharp, icy snow. The wind was gusting up to 40 mph last night. It was 17 degrees on my way to work but felt like 0. Luckily I park in the building so I really don't have to worry about being out in the cold too much. I did make up my car emergency kit - nuts, dried fruit, water, camera, extra gloves, hat, socks, etc. in case I get stranded. Doesn't look like there will be much accumulation, so Don didn't have to break out the snowblower. Of course, we're supposed to heat up to the 50s over the weekend. In the meantime, Baja wants to play outside and Jager wants to curl up by the fire.

Work is kicking my ass day in and day out. Guess they figure they need to use and abuse me before I leave. My start date in my new job should be 12/12, so just 3 1/2 weeks away. In the meantime, I have three groups of leaders with To Do lists a mile long that I need to act on. It's not hard work, just a lot of it. To top it all off, I am on vacation next week so I have even more of a deadline. Plus my boss will be out the next two weeks because his wife is having a baby on Saturday so I have a lot to manage for him. No worries - just add it to my year end review!

Should be a gym day today since Don is working from home and I won't get another chance before Saturday. I may even try the water aerobics class on Saturday or the yoga class on Sunday. Next week will be good because I'll be able to go pretty much every day because of my time off. That should help with the weight loss. I'm aiming for under 275 by 12/7 so I need to average 4.9 pounds per week. If I continue on this track, I might actually be in the 250 range by the time I go to LA in January. I can't even get my head around that. Hey, it's only 40 pounds away. That should be do-able.

Sad News

Back in August I wrote about a woman on the Obesity Help boards who didn't have what one would call a successful surgery. To top it all off, she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer on August 4.

Jessica passed away last night, surrounded by her family and friends. Her last several weeks were painful, and her heart finally just stopped. She leaves behind her parents, her husband and a 5 year old son. To top it all off, because of the complications with her WLS, she lost her job in 2004 and has not been able to get insurance coverage.

This is a very sad day for her friends. Although I never met her, I e-mailed her a few times. She wanted so badly to live, especially for her son. Even though she is in a place where she no longer feels pain, those who are left behind are left with a huge hole in their hearts.

Kind of puts a lot of things into perspective...

Bodies In Motion Tend To Stay In Motion

Now that I have close to 45 pounds less to carry, movement is becoming easier. No one would mistake me for a ballet dancer but I'm finding things like getting off the couch, climbing stairs, even just keeping up with someone walking much easier.

Here has been my activities since Friday - I walked down to the mailbox outside our office rather than asking someone else to do it; I came home and played with the dogs for 40 minutes - chasing Baja, tossing balls and the Frisbee, getting down on the grass with them; went to the gym on Saturday & Sunday - did a treadmill warm-up and then did biceps/triceps/chest/abs on Saturday and legs on Sunday; did a 1.5 mile walk with Don and the dogs on Saturday.

I have plans to go to the gym tomorrow since I have a half day and will have some time to kill before meeting the rep from Molly Maids at 4:30. Yep, I am finally relenting to having someone come once a month to clean the house. I can do the maintenence - the weekly sweeping and dusting - but I could use some help. With both of our schedules and our weekly commitments, something has to give and lately it's been the housecleaning. I guess we realized we needed help when we started naming the dust bunnies in the corners.

I did a little shopping yesterday, buying a few things in smaller sizes since they were on sale and I had a coupon for 40% off. I got two pairs of pants, one shirt and one hooded sweater. Last night was also a "Girls Night" out at a local boutique. One woman hosts it and all guests who come get 10% off their purchases. It's kind of like a Tupperware party. I got some cute cards, a room diffuser and a bracelet. They had some cute purses, but I resisted seeing how I hate carrying purses to begin with. There were also t-shirts, candles, sunglasses, etc. Glad there wasn't too much to my liking.

On Friday, we tried my second restaurant outing at a BBQ place. I ordered a beef brisket sandwich and at about 1 - 1.5 ounces of the meat and about 1 forkful of mashed potatoes. I know we got some weird looks from the waitstaff when I asked for a to-go container for pretty much my entire meal but I am still real tentative with my pouch. Last night, on my way to the Girls Night party, I met up with another WLS patient and we split a cheese & mushroom omlette - a whopping $6.00 for our dinner. I have become a very cheap date.

Tuna, cottage cheese, canned peaches (in water), rotiserie chicken, deli turkey and cheddar cheese have become my staples. I do get a large skim latte a few times a week. I also allow myself sugar free fudgecicles or popcicles. I am still not hungry but that no longer bothers me. I listen to other WLS patients complaining about their snacking and testing the limits of their pouches. At almost 6 weeks out I haven't dumped or thrown up, unlike a lot of people who had their surgery around the same time. I guess the craziest thing I've done is had a few saltines with my tuna.

I did get on the scale this morning, and saw a drop to 292. Not bad, especially because it's TTOM so it might be even lower by the end of the week. I have't decided what my offical weigh-in day is going to be. Don's weigh-in day is on Friday, so maybe I'll just to that. Or maybe Monday...or Wednesday. Thoughts?

Things I Won't Miss

There is a lot about my job I love and will miss once I move on. There is however a few things I don't like, specifically getting a rush request for 4 new hires starting on Monday (today is Friday) and they do not have phones or computers. I also don't like associates coming up to me complaining that they did not get overtime and could I please give them petty cash? Why didn't they get overtime? Why do the new hires NOT have computers and phones? Because the admin (who is conveniently on leave) didn't do it! If I hear, "Well, Anne knew about it..." one more time, my head will explode. Her mistakes are causing me major grief today. Part of me can't wait to let her know that I will be leaving and all this will fall on her lap...(insert evil laugh here).

Stalled, But New Photos

I seem to have hit a plateau, but I'm not panicking - yet.

Regardless, I have posted new photos here. I don't see too much of a difference, but Don says he can see one.

Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on the number that's showing on the scale. Plus, no bowing down to the Scalegod until next week.

The Numbers Game

I saw the nutritionist today. It's hard for me to take her advice too seriously seeing how she's never been overweight and hasn't had the surgery. Plus, some of what she says contradicts what my nurses, who have had the surgery, say. She wants everything fat free; my nurse says low fat is just as good. She says only white meat; my nurse says dark meat because it's more moist. She says no carbs; my nurse says a tablespoon is OK.

So, here's the plan for the next 30 days:

Continue to eat 47 grams or more of protein
3 eight-ounce glasses of milk per day (soy, Lactaid)
No more than 1/4 cup of food, three times a day (about 4 tbsp.)
Can have 1 tbsp. of veggies or fruit per meal
Fruit has to be soft (SF applesauce, canned peaches in water)
Veggies have to be overcooked or canned
Chicken, turkey, fish & shellfish
Cottage cheese, cheese, yogurt should be SF and FF
Eggs sparingly
Up my water intake to 60 ounces

Take 1 multi-vitamin per day in the morning
Continue with blood pressure and thyroid meds for now
Take 2 Viactiv calcium chews (one at lunch, one at night)
Benefiber in the morning
Sublingual B-12 once a week

Walk 20-30 minutes every day
Gym three times a week
Get on the scale once a week ONLY

So that's it in a nutshell. She did say that if I was still having problems with milk I could subsitute a protein drink, as long as it was SF and low in calories. I go back to see her in another month. I haven't tried the Lactaid, but I will tomorrow to see if that sits well.

I will go to the gym tomorrow after work and my car appointment. It will be more of an orientation for me, although I know I get a few training sessions with membership. I plan on doing arms, chest, and abs.

I did have a little adventure today. I realized I had left my sunglasses at home and struggled to even drive from work to my appointment since most all of the drive was heading west as the sun was starting to set. Since there is a Target next to the hospital, I stopped by there to get a pair for the drive home as well as my Benefiber. As I approached my car, there was a woman getting ready to give her baby a bottle - the baby was in the backseat of the car. She closed her backdoor to let me get into my driver's side and accidently locked the door - with the keys AND the baby still in the car. I let her use my cell phone to call 911 and I stayed with her until the police came. The poor baby was crying her little head off. Plus, the alarm went off when she tried to get the door open, and it was loud. It took the police about 8 minutes to arrive, and only about 3 minutes to jimmy the door open.

Still waiting on the salary figure for my new job. I know there was a big pow-wow this afternoon which didn't get out before I had to leave. I'm hoping it was discussed. I know what I am expecting and what I am hoping for, and I think it should fall somewhere into that range. Hopefully I'll have news tomorrow...

One Month Anniversary

Typed out a whole long post and Blogger ate it. Here's part of it...

So, one month ago today I was just about out of surgery and on my way on this amazing journey. I am down a total of 41 pounds since 9/1 and 26 since my surgery date. Some of the changes I have noticed:

Increased energy
No huffing and puffing when I go upstairs
My wedding ring is getting too big
I am down a 1/2 shoe size
I am still wearing size 28 (3X) but instead of being tight, they are loose
I'm sleeping better
My knees, feet, hips and back hurt less
Motivation for eating healthy and exercising
I am looking forward to joining a gym tomorrow

I don't always see the difference in the mirror, but I am getting compliments from my husband and people at work that they can see the weight loss in my face.

Anyway, things have been a lot better since I've been able to actually eat protein. It looks like I can handle moist chicken, tuna salad and turkey lunchmeat. I can eat about 1 1/2 ounces of protein at a time and I do try and mix in a bit of carbs just to help with the digestion (1/2 tbsp. of mashed potatoes, 2 or 3 soda crackers). I can't wait until I can get some crisp veggies in, although I think I can start having soft cooked carrots and the like. That will be a nice change.

Got some things done around the house. It's cool and wet out, although it's just been sprinkles. I wouldn't mind a bit of rain. Tomorrow I will check out the gym, run a few errands and meet a friend for a walk (assuming the weather cooperates). We did take the dogs for a long walk this morning, so they are now crashed out, curled up with one another in the corner of the couch.

I will get some updated photos taken soon. Don took some earlier today but I didn't like the lighting. I know, I'm a diva. I still don't see the difference, but I'll let you all decided.

Cruise Control

I am feeling so much better. Yesterday I had a 1/4 of a cheese omlette for breakfast, 1/4 cup of tuna salad with 5 soda crackers for lunch and 1/4 cup of tuna salad for dinner. I was short a few grams of protein (3 or 4) but the closest I've been to 47 grams in a long time. Also, I got 50 ounces of water in yesterday and I'm close to 20 ounces so far this morning.

Although I'm no expert, I think the milk was causing some of the nausea. I was trying to get in 24 ounces a day, and I haven't drank milk on a regular basis in I don't know how long. It seems cheese doesn't seem to be a problem and I have cottage cheese for breakfast this morning, so we'll see how that goes. I will pick up some Lactaid over the weekend and give that a try. The other option is soy milk.

I have finally scheduled my tour of the gym on Sunday. I'm actually excited to get back into the gym and focus on some good lifting. Plus, I might have the courage to try some water aerobics and yoga. They also have a variety of martial arts, dance classes (swing, Latin, ballroom), CPR. There is an indoor and outdoor pool, spa, cafe. It's open 24/7 which is good, although I have no intention of ever working out at 3:00 in the morning.

Work is crazy as usual. My boss and his wife are expecting a baby pretty much at any time (she's due Thanksgiving - she's ready now, my boss is not) so I have to have a back up plan for every day in case she does go into labor. The good news is that one of the admins who is out on leave is coming back early. Yep, one full day early. She doesn't know about my new job and I didn't want to say anything until it's officially announced next week. Still don't know when the other admin is coming back, and I don't know if I'm going to have to wait on her anyway. Of course, it's so close to the end of the year, and I do have Christmas week off, my start date may be pushed back to January 2. I've already started some informal training so I feel like I'm being given plenty of time to ramp up.

Off to grab some coffee and really get the ball rolling on this morning. TGIF!

Update

The nurse was slightly concerned but did offer me two suggestions to try. We are going to get a scope on the books for next week, because the worst scenario is that I have an ulcer. So, the first thing I have to do is quit drinking milk to see if I've become lactose intolerent. The second thing is to start to take Prilosec. I had acid reflux prior to surgery and thought I was finished with it because I hadn't had any heartburn since the surgery. What could be happening is that my old stomach is producing acid and it's backflowing into the intestine, causing nausea.

She also wanted me to try some other sources of protein to see what I can tolerate. I got off the phone with her at about 2:00 PM, and our cafe was closed so I went to the sundry store to see what they had. I finally decided on a Lunchable - 8 crackers, 8 pieces of turkey (about the size of a half-dollar) and 8 pieces of "cheddar" cheese. I ate 3 1/2 turkey & cheese crackers, and what a difference it made! I had to eat slowly and chew really well because of the crackers, but they went down well and did not make me sick. In fact, it got my saliva glands going and I was thirsty! I've actually been able to drink without cramping.

I know Lunchables aren't the long term solution since they are high in fat and carbs, but when you're getting 2-3 servings out of one, it isn't that bad. Plus, when you've had fewer than 700 calories in 7 days, I'm guessing the most important thing is to get some calories in me.

The best thing is that I immediately had energy, I stopped yawning, I felt like a new person. I hope that getting some real food in me will help sustain my energy. I've been feeling so darn tired lately. The idea of having some energy, coupled with not feeling thirsty or nauseous would be great.

A Few Concerns

After a seemingly smooth ride, I have run into a little issue that is causing me some concern. While the whole never being hungry thing seemed to be OK, it's now gotten to the point where even the smell of food can cause major nausea. I almost threw up water this morning. Now that my stomach is a little more awake this morning, I've been able to get down about 12 ounces of water but that still doesn't solve the problem of not being able to eat. I have put a call into the nurses' office and will hopefully get a call back this morning to see what I can do.

It's one thing not to be hungry and to have to force yourself to eat. It's another when almost everything seems to make you want to throw up. Last night I went to the fridge and the cupboard to see if anything looked appealing and the sight and smell of the food made me gag. Probably not the reaction I should be having.

I have found that drinking out of sport top bottles seem to eliminate my cramping from drinking water. Now if I could just stop wanting to throw it up. While I'm in this limbo period, I am doing everything possible to at least get my water in to stay hydrated. I really have no desire to end up back in the hospital with fluids being pumped into me. The other thing is that I can't get my pills down. Luckily I'm only on two prescriptions and my multi-vitamin is chewable.

Of course, since I'm not getting my protein in, and I'm eating well under 100 calories a day, I am very tired. I'm doing my best to get up at 5:00 so I'm in to work on time. But it's getting harder and harder as I go longer and longer without food. At this point, I don't even care if it's the "right" food. I just want something in my stomach. I was able to choke down a little Malt-o-Meal and once it got down it seems to be sitting OK. Even though it's all carbs, it's better than nothing, I guess.

I don't want to complain or come off whiny. I knew there would be ups and downs, and most post-ops I've spoken to seem to have gone through similar episodes, so I'm not that worried about it. I am 4 weeks out today and down 25 pounds since the day of surgery and 40 pounds since 9/1. I mean, who would complain about averaging 6.25 pounds per week? I'm sure once I get over this hump, things will be better.

We did have a pretty active Halloween. The big rush was between 6:30 - 7:30, but it petered out right around 8:30. We ended up with a huge bag and a half of candy left over which was "dontated" to my office witch's pot. It only took about a day for about 200 candy bars to disappear...better them than me, that's for sure. My only issue with the hordes of trick-or-treaters is that several, including those with parents watching, decided that our walk was too out of the way and traipsing through the bushes was much quicker. It's not like I spend hours cultivating my landscaping, but have some respect.

Don is home this weekend. No big plans, other than walking the dogs and maybe a trip to the dog park. They just love those two things so much. Plus, it tires them out like nothing else. I should get some cleaning done around the house - I hate letting that slide. Don's been great about doing the laundry on the day he's home, but I need to dust, vacuum, sweep, mop, iron. All the fun stuff.

Still no final date on my transition to the new job. I should get my salary offer early next week - the VP has to sign off on it and he's on a business trip. I do know that the new group I will be working with is very excited. One of the women who will be my mentor there just had the WLS last Friday, so we will get to support each other through our journey. Plus, one of the leaders is considering it. It will be like having my own on-site support group!

I'm now trying my skim milk and Carnation Instant Breakfast and, although it's going slowly, I'm getting it down. Hey, it's 26 grams of protein. Only 20 more to go for the day!