The Ongoing Adventures of Naked Girl

The story of my quest to look good naked -- really good.

Friday, April 02, 2004

I Can't Handle The Truth

I really hadn't wanted to write this, but after another night of waking up at 2 AM and hating myself, I figure I am going to have to face the facts.

I have a drinking problem.

I don't seem to have a problem in social settings or even when I'm out to dinner with Don. I don't even always feel the need to drink when I'm "out on the town." I do, however, drink almost every night when I am home alone and Don is at work. It starts with the idea of "just one or two glasses -- just to relax." It always ends up as almost 2 bottles of wine. Yep, you read that right -- two bottles of wine.

Of course, drinking encourages other bad choices, namely binging on food. Trust me, I am not binging on carrots and broccoli either. So I'm drinking empty calories on top of eating unhealthy food. Neither is doing my waist line any good.

Besides the actual drinking and eating, the consumption of alcohol gives me heartburn, stomach problems (2 bottles of wine on top of a combo platter from Paco's? You do the math.), I have to hide the evidence from Don plus I wake up with a sour stomach that only a fried egg sandwich seems to fix.

In other words, one vicious circle.

So, why the confession? Because it HAS to stop NOW. I am ruining my health. I am sabatoging all the good I KNOW I can do. I am sacraficing my health. I am wasting major money on alcohol. I wake up at 3 in the morning (since I passed out at 9 PM) hating myself, kicking myself, wanting to stick my head in the oven and just end the pain of being such a loser.

It pains me to write this. I hate weakness, and this, to me, is a major character flaw.

Tonight when I get home, the open bottle of wine is getting dumped. I am going to be strong. I have to be strong. This IS stopping NOW.

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