The Ongoing Adventures of Naked Girl

The story of my quest to look good naked -- really good.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Catch Up Sunday

What a gorgeous day here in Minnesota - mid-60s, clear skies, light breeze. You can tell fall is here a bit early with some of the trees showing flashes of color. Some of the smaller trees are alreay in full red, while my front yard maple has a beautiful crown of rust. Two of my other trees (not sure what they are) have gone from a deep green to a yellow-green and they have lost leaves in stong winds. It won't be long before deep fall sets in with it's damp weather, but for now, I'm satisfied with having the windows open and enjoying the mild weather.

I had a very Zen moment earlier. I walked out on our deck to check on the dogs and Jager was sitting in on the lawn in a patch of sun, facing the sun with her eyes closed and ears flapping in the gentle breeze. She was sniffing the air and looked so peaceful and calm. Of course, Baja came over and nudged her with a ball, and a chased ensued.

So, what's going well? I'm pretty comfortable with my current eating plan. I know I'm getting plenty of food, eating 3 main meals and 2-3 snacks per day. I'm eating all my protein requirements and getting in between 800-1000 calories. My distribution of calories is fairly balanced - about 40% protein, 30% carbs and 30% fat, although that varies slightly day-to-day. I'm eating a well-balanced diet with whole grains, lean protein, veggies, fruit, healthy fat.

I did exercise 5 out of 7 days last week - everything from light weights to bellydancing to walking. I expect to workout another 5/7 days this week. I'm still rehabing my right shoulder, which makes lifting hard, but I'm doing what I can. Work and life in general are always at the ready to disrupt the best laid plans to workout, but with Don's new schedule we are getting more time to walk the dogs, which is always good.

What isn't going well is the numbers on the scale. I am still bouncing between 180.4 and 186.0. I don't know why - I mean, I am eating far fewer calories than I'm expending. I'm eating low-fat, med-carbs and high protein. Even my carbs aren't bad - fruit, veggies, whole grains. I am having some stomach issues that makes it hard to eat only protein without any carbs, especially in the morning. I don't want to panic and start anything drastic (liquid diet, cutting calories, etc.) but it's hard not to get into that mindset. I know my body is probably just adjusting to the recent weight loss, and I should be thankful that during my 11 1/2 months since surgery there has only been one 2-week period in which I didn't lose some weight (over vacation, but I maintained!). I hear all the time how people just a few months out of surgery are hitting 3-4-5 week plateaus. Part of me should be happy that I can finally settle in to some clothes without having to worry about skipping a size or shrinking out of something I just purchased.

I know I shouldn't focus on the scale number, but that has been what's driving me for so long, it's hard to ignore it. Especially when I am just 12 pounds from my own personal goal. Twelve-freakin'-pounds. That is what stands between me and, what? Paradise? Hell, no. Once I actually get to 170, then I'm sure it will become a quest for 159 (giving me a "normal" BMI). Or 20% body fat. Or some other random number that I assign myself to achieve.

I still tend to focus on the negative - my arms are saggy, my boobs resemble two socks with organges in them, my thighs look like elephant legs. It's so hard for me to celebrate the achievements I've made in the last year.

At this time last year, I was just starting my liquid diet and 10 days away from surgery. I was still well over 300 pounds, hardly able to move, high blood pressure, acid reflux. Today, I'm at a much healthier weight, I am off all blood pressure/acid reflux meds, I'm doing things like yoga and bellydancing, I belong to a gym (and actually go!). I have more energy, a better body image (for the most part; see above), more confidence. Yet, I don't feel successful because I don't weigh less.

Anyway, it seems as I get closer to my goal, I become more and more self-critical. I know I have to work on that. It's a mere 2 weeks from the anniversary of my surgery and I really need to look at where I've come from and not where I need to go...

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